RW: What Happens in Vegas

…Will most certainly not stay in Vegas, being that it was filmed then edited into oblivion and is now being broadcast all over the country by MTV. But I guess Nany, Naomi, Heather, Adam, Dustin, Mike and Leroy knew that when they signed up for this nonsense.

Last night was a brand spankin’ new episode of  Real World: Las Vegas and it was one of those episodes during which I actually gasped. Out Loud. Several times. Quick recap: Heather and Dustin made googly eyes at each other a lot, Mike got mad at Dustin for being so very obsessed with himself, Leroy lured Naomi into his bed with minimal effort, and—the reason I gasped—Adam and Nany hooked up. The hookup resulted in Nany breaking up with the beloved Jordy, her boyfriend of 6 years.

So kids, what have we learned after last night?

1. Don’t tell your boyfriend THE DAY AFTER YOU MOVE INTO THE REAL WORLD HOUSE that one of your roommates has a crush on you.

He will then be a jerk to you every single time you talk on the phone and assume you are cheating on him, which it turns out you are.

2. Never. Break up with someone. For someone else. Especially when that person openly admits that he cheated.

It always ends badly for all parties involved, and the guy you cheated on your boyfriend with only wanted you because you were unattainable. Now that you are attainable he will lose interest, hence his “it took me a week to break up a 6-year relationship” speech at dinner with the boys.

3. When telling your boyfriend that you cheated on him, try to sound at least a little apologetic.

Honestly, Nany deserved everything her boyfriend said to her. It was a little hard to watch, but.. She brought it on herself.

4. Don’t use literary references and big words around people you know won’t get them.

Poor Mike Mike. So wise, and so surrounded by morons.

5. Don’t be a sore loser.

Seriously Dustin, you are 5 years old. (Seriously Dustin, you are so hot. Mmm.)

6. Try not to go to the same club every night when you live in LAS VEGAS.

Why do they keep going to this Vanity place? Is it some kind of MTV/Hard Rock deal/marketing conspiracy?

7. Don’t refer to a girl as your “sort of” girlfriend to your roommates WHILE VIDEO CHATTING WITH HER.

Adam might be the definition of a douchebag.

8. Vent all you want but don’t forget to let other people vent to you.

This was the basis of Dustin’s and Mike’s argument; again, poor Mike Mike. I’ll listen to you talk about you, babe!

9. Never ask a girl mid-hookup if she is going to regret it in the morning.

If you have to ask, odds are you should not be hooking up.

10. When given the opportunity to participate in bull riding, do it.

That was pretty damn cool.

Don’t forget to see what my good friend and co-blogger Donald has to say about these fools (Donald you are so right about Leroy knowing all), and stay tuned for next week’s important life lessons. Looks like Adam might break some things again!

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