Last night was the 63rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards on Fox hosted by Sue Sylvester. She wasn’t as good as I’d hoped, but alas, the night presented my sister and I with plenty of opportunities to critique the few fashion dos and many fashion don’ts. I even had a few guest commentators, who will remain anonymous, but as always I appreciate any and all comments whether you agree with me or not. Also as always I will be using TV Guide’s photo gallery, but not as always I will be cutting the males out of the list altogether. The black tuxes were just too beyond boring for me this time around.
Nina Dobrev: Well, the expression “va-va-voom” comes to mind. Fab color, fab cut, fab hair, if it were me I’d probably have gone with a different necklace and clutch because they are a little too 90s prom-y. But then again I’m never invited to these things. And, I hate to do this so early on in my list, but…Who is this girl?
Jane Lynch: She wore various gowns throughout the night but I feel like I’ve seen all of them on her before, so they were fine. I feel like she could have gone for some really funny outfits or some super classy ones and she just kind of stayed in the middle, but I am just happy with her general presence as a human being on this planet so I’ll let it all slide.
Kaley Cuoco: Ummm okay I like it. I do. I don’t understand the whole messy bun thing that was going on all night but I think the fabric and the cut of this is very fun and I like the pop of red with the shoes. And her tan looks natural, a rare thing indeed. But again the clutch is too prom-like—where did we get these things ladies, a dye-to-match shop?
Lea Michele: I love her hair and her face and I sorta like the back of this dress but the front is too.. I don’t know. It’s just too. The way in which she poses for these things now leads me to suspect that she is becoming a bit too obsessed with herself.
Julianna Margulies: Guest Commentator #1 observed that this looks like a jelly fish dress, whatever that means. I like the color quite a bit, especially with her hair (which was totes frizzing out on the pre-show, must have been hot last night!) but that weird structured top just reminded me of, like, Spongebob Squarepants for some reason. Maybe Guest Commentator #1 wasn’t so far off then.
Christina Hendricks: Day-um, GIRL. I like this a whole lot better than her award show choices in the spring. Oh I just love her.
Lena Headey: Hi, Lena? Whoever you are? Angelina Jolie called and said she wants her Morticia Addams look back. (HOT pinks shoes though, literally and figuratively!) Lookin’ great from the neck up, though.
Evan Rachel Wood: Is this crazy b!tch still dating Marilyn Manson? I hate that hairstyle and I’m not a fan of the dress at all. Meh.
Jayma Mays: Oh, no. No no no. Emma!
Ariel Winter: How old is this Modern Family kid? If she’s under 18, which I’m assuming she is, I think the dress is way too boob-a-licious.
Julia Stiles: ExCUSE me Ms. Stiles, where have YOU been? I love this!
Padma Lakshmi: Dear me this is a terrible picture of an otherwise gorgeous woman, but I didn’t like this gown that much when I saw it on the pre-show. TV Guide claims that the “deep gold gown complements her skin tone and the satin lays nicely on her figure” but I must disagree on both accounts—the deep gold is TOO CLOSE to her skin tone (what did I say about that last time, people!) and the satin accentuated, or perhaps created, an area in her middle that most women do not want accentuated or created, even statuesque goddesses such as herself.
Sarah Hyland: Cute! Again, perhaps a bit too mature for a kid, but cute! She looks like Mila Kunis no?
Melissa McCarthy: 1) She will never be anybody but Sookie St. James to me. 2) I am NOT commenting on her weight. I’m NOT. BUT, she said she designed this herself and was wearing uncomfortable undergarments, so I have to wonder if there was some awkward padding in the shoulders/chest area and also in the stomach area? It just looked awkwardly bulgy in terms of material, NOT her body. This is a great color and cut and I love her necklace and hair, but there’s just something off about the whole thing.
Elisabeth Moss: Yes. YES. I love how her and Christina Hendricks have coordinating sparkles going on. Yes.
Adrianne Palicki: Tacky. Who is this? Very tacky. In the melodious words of Anthony Marantino: “HATES IT!”
Zooey Deschanel: Miss Zooey (which I always want to pronounce zoo-ee) rockin’ the poof! I kind of love it! I see where others might not but I think it’s fun and the dress is a great color and she’s just so freakin’ funny. And a sassy tweeter, in case anyone is interested in following her.
Christine Baranski: Very classy. Everyone knows how I feel about navy blue, and this cut is just perfect for Mrs. Caldwell. (Someone better catch that reference!)
Maria Bello: Ehh, I’m not sure. Her sparkles aren’t as good as Elisabeth Moss’ and Christina Hendricks’ but they aren’t terrible either. I think I just don’t like her hair?
Gwyneth Paltrow: What am I supposed to do with this? She looks great from the neck up. I mean really great—did anyone see the closeup of her face when Ryan Seacrest was interviewing her? She must have had some stuff done recently—but that heinous DRESS! Ugh.
Sofia Vergara: You all know how I feel about this one—you’re LATINA, we GET IT!—but I kind of really love this. The color is terrific, and even though the earrings are pretty wild she of all people can pull them off. I just don’t like how flat her hair is.
Heidi Klum: “She’s wearing cauliflower!” -Guest Commentator #2. And, making an exception to the no-guys rule, apparently Seal is going for the Situation look.
Kerry Washington: When did she get so tiny! I’m not crazy about the bottom of this dress but I think she overall looks fab.
Jane Krakowski: She is ALWAYS on the fashion don’t list. Too tan, too blond, too silver.
Michelle Forbes: Again with the messy bun! Why would you pay hundreds or thousands of dollars to have a professional do to your hair what I do on a nightly basis to mine? Cute dress, though, except for the fact that I feel like I’ve seen it plenty of times before.
Connie Britton: I think I like it, but perhaps it is a bit too young for her? The hair as well?
Dianna Agron: I l-o-v-e this shade of blue, especially on her, and I think she too looks amazing from the neck up, I just don’t like the neck of this dress. I was hoping there would be some kind of sexy low-cut back but it had a tie and weird flaps and it just didn’t work.
Claire Danes: I know I tweeted this last night but just to reiterate: ANGELA CHASE! Why must you always wear your hair down? You have such a beautiful face, why hide it? I think the dress is fine, the style is obviously great on her shape, but these sequins are a bit too beauty pageant-esque for my taste.
* WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I JUST RECEIVED BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS FROM GUEST COMMENTATOR #1! 🙂 *
Martha Plimpton: Wrong in so very many ways. Cap sleeves don’t look good on ANYone.
Eva La Rue: Oh heavens no!
Loretta Devine: Well the color is great on her, as are the jewels and hairstyle, but the cut of the dress is strange. Very strange indeed.
Kate Winslet: Does anyone else often forget that she is British until she opens her mouth at one of these things? I digress; although you may not be able to tell from this picture, she wins best dressed winner by a mile. All of my guest commentators agreed, no contest.
Julianne Hough: I think this gown would have worked without that black thing in the middle, but those flaps also look terrible so I don’t know. I do however enjoy her hair up like that, but, um, where is her engagement ring? Did her and Seacrest “call it quits”, as the tabloids might say?
Kristin Wiig: Oooooh I actually love this. I have no idea who she is but this is so different than what anyone else did for the Emmys, this time anyway, and I think it could work in other color combinations too. But the hair is a little sloppy for my taste.
Taraji P. Henson: Terrible awful cut for her, terrible awful. Hair too. Bleh.
Julie Bowen: Again with the beauty pageant sequins, BUT, I like it on her. (Probably because her hair is UP, ahem, Claire Danes.) I think the super low V-neck only works on ladies with modest-sized chests because otherwise it looks trashy, so she’s got that going for her, and I think it’s overall fantastic. 1st runner-up for best dressed!
Surprisingly some of the beautiful people were not included in TV Guide’s gallery, but not to fret. E! and Us Weekly to the rescue!
Katie Holmes: Again, I love this color but come on Joey. A) There’s that stupid messy bun and b) it looks like the front of the dress is actually the back of a tank top. But what else should I expect from Tom Cruise’s most severe case of brainwashing?
Emily Blunt: Looking adorable as always.
Minka Kelly: She is quite lovely, shame on Mr. Jeter for breaking her delicate little heart. I like this (there’s that navy blue again!) but it’s borderline-Grandma.
Kelly Osbourne: I don’t understand why she’s invited to this, nor do I understand why she qualifies to participate in E!’s Fashion Police. This is too extravagant a dress for someone who has never acted a day in her life. Or, if she has, certainly not well. Great color but not on her.
Maria Menounos: Same dress as Evan Rachel Wood? Looks better on Maria? Hmmm…
Kyle Richards: Why was she there other than the fact that they showed a clip of The Dinner Party From Hell? This dress looks like Sofia Vergara’s in a different color and material, but as gorgeous a woman as she is Kyle just doesn’t quite pull it off.
Heather Morris: I hate to do this to ya Brit-brit, but no. This is a case of the poof looking absolutely absurd, a la Snooki, instead of adorable, a la Zoo-ee, and once again I feel it’s too extravagant a dress for this person for this event. This could be an Oscars dress for, say, Halle Berry.
Amber Riley: I love her new hair! The dress is a great color and cut for her but I’m not a huge fan of the fabric.
Naya Rivera: Eh, I expected more from her.
Jenna Ushkowitz: Sorry for the impromptu Glee hour here. I’m on the fence about this one. I like her hair up like that and her makeup looks great, but the dress looks like she’s channeling a lil’ bit o’ Gaga and a lil’ bit o’ Julia Roberts and I’m not sure that’s the most ideal combination.
Paula Abdul: ..Actually looking good and, like, normal, for once?
Amy Poehler: “She looks like she’s wearing a wetsuit! Where’s her surfboard accessory?” -Guest Commentator #3. Much agreed, much agreed; worst dressed of the night by far.
So there you have it folks, share with me your thoughts and feelings please and don’t forget to check out what Erica thinks!