Magic Mike

I hope my taste in movies isn’t being judged by the first two movie reviews I’ve done here.

Oh wait, I don’t care.

The first time I saw the Magic Mike preview I knew it would be a masterpiece of epic proportions. For the past couple of months it’s all the heterosexual female population has been able to talk about (that and 50 Shades, which coincidentally have similar themes), the subject of many a Huffington Post or Jezebel article/video.

The opening scene is Channing Tatum‘s bare naked beautiful smooth sexy chiseled delicious body. But that’s kind of where the movie peaks. Like many movies these days the trailer mistakenly gave all the good stuff away and also sort of completely misled the audience. Judging by those two and a half minutes of scenes set to Ri-Ri’s “We Found Love”, wouldn’t y’all think this was basically going to be Burlesque with male dancers? I certainly did, but what I got instead was an odd and somewhat uncomfortable combination of male strippers and “serious stuff”, like drugs. And furniture.

I just feel like they should have gone in one direction, you know what I’m saying? Like, if it was going to be Burlesque with male strippers they should have gone for the gold and made it a movie about how this misunderstood yet unfathomably sexy guy is being used as a sex object/money maker by the club owner and really wants to follow his dreams of making furnutire out of garbage and by the end he stands up to the club owner and leaves the stripping world and gets his own shop where some of his stipper buddies come down and help when they’re not pulling $5 bills out of their thongs. (Okay some of that sort of happens, but not in as corny a way as I would have liked.) If it was going to be a “serious” stripper movie they should have made it much grittier and set it in some place really sad like Atlantic City or Los Angeles, not Tampa. And all the characters should have been struggling somehow with drugs and money and love, not just one or two of them. But the target audience didn’t want to see their struggles, we wanted to see their ABS!

(Side note, this is supposed to be “loosely” based on Channing Tatum’s start to the entertainment industry as an actual stripper, through which he was discovered for dancing/modeling/acting. Do we think he really wanted/still wants to just forget it all and build some weird looking tables and chairs?)

And who won Best Abs of the bunch? None other than Matthew McConaughey, that sexy rom-com veteran who gets weirder by the minute. Best Performer obviously goes to Channing Tatum–you know that’s all him dancing and stunting in movies like this and Step Up? Best Overall Body could also go to Channing Tatum but I’d really like to give it to a sort-of newcomer, a man who should have gotten a great deal more screen time in this film: Joe Manganiello. I feel like Channing Tatum represents my “old type”, very pretty but also very boyish and dumb, whereas Joe Manganiello represents my “new type”, very sexy and rugged and looks like he used to be a football player and could toss you around like a little football and… Ahem. I digress.

  

Anyway, I don’t think I need to encourage any females to see this because I know they a) already have or b) already have plans to (including my 70-year-old aunt), so I’d like to share some comments from those who accompanied me on this “magical” (pun intended) journey:

Movie Goer #1: Abs = :). Plot = boooooooo. Also, I don’t like that girl’s mouth.

(Oh yeah, there was a girl in this movie. Tatum’s love interest. *Yawn*)

Movie Goer #2: I cried on the inside for the women of Tampa when Mike quit stripping, but I cannot wait for the DVD to come out with extended stripping scenes. Also, so glad that Elvis’ granddaughter is getting work as that cray b!tch Nora. Oh and the movie made me want a pet piggy!

(Oh yeah, there was another girl in the movie: Nora. She did drugs and had a pet piglet. *Yawn*)

Movie Goer #3: Two words: Channing Tatum.

And there you have it.

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