Kate: CORRECTION GUYS — this was only PERFORMANCE finale. The real finale, with results, is next TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 18.
Kate: What. Is. That. Dress.
Kate: GREAT hair and make-up, though. Why can I never get my make-up to look remotely like anything like that?
Erica: I loved the hair. Jason commented that the make-up was too much. Because of course he did.
Kate: Holy sparkle/holy messy side bun Mary Murphy! You know, I really hate messy side buns.
Erica: I was wondering if she was just trying to go back to her ballroom dance days with the side bun. Myself, I like a messy side bun in general but not so much that one.
Eliana & Cyrus: Paso Doble, “The Game Has Changed” by Daft Punk, choreographed by Jason Gilkinson
Kate: I hate this style.
Erica: I do not hate this style but I didn’t love this iteration of it. If she’s the matador and not the cape this time, why is she dressed like that?
Kate: He bored me and looked like he was struggling a lot, like it was still practice.
Erica: See, I thought that he didn’t look quite as much like Eliana had to lead him around the stage as he used to and that he’s grown as a dancer. But yeah. He’s not up to her level. No one is. I did love his, as Cat Deeley described, “Blue Steel Face”.
Kate: There you go again with the patronizing, Nigel.
Erica: Seriously. “Aren’t you so incredibly lucky that we took you from your brown-skinned pit of ignorance and hopelessness and raised you to these lofty heights, young man?” Shut it, Nigel. But as for Mary’s critique, I think I am going to start using “skinny dipping with snapping turtles” as my constant metaphor for difficult things.
Tiffany & Season 4’s Will: Contemporary, “Time is Now” by Moloko, choreographed by Sonya Tayeh
Erica: I did not recognize him at first, because he had significantly less hair when he was on the show, and I didn’t understand Cat’s announcement before break, but when they came back, I was like, “Oh my God, WILL!” And I may have squealed a little.
Kate: I did not agree with the judges and thought this was a pretty awkward pairing, possibly because I don’t think I’ve ever seen him on this show before, but she was pretty good as usual.
Erica: I thought they were both very good but not really good together. I wish I had seen Will dance with Eliana. Also, Mary? You fake out no one.
Eliana & Chehon: Ballet, “The Nutcracker Grand Pas de Duex” by Bruton APM Studios, choreographed by Marat Daukayev
Erica: They never gave that choreographer a chyron so I’m only guessing his name based on Nigel’s slightly over-emphasized pronunciation when he was patting himself on the back for having the dude from the Russian ballet come choreograph on his little show.
Kate: So not only do I finally get these 2 together, I get them in a classical ballet number!? My heart almost stopped.
Erica: I know. So exciting. So beautiful. So ridiculously oh my God. You know? Eliana can do anything. Chehon can do . . . a lot of other things. But Tiffany and Cyrus? They can’t do that.
Kate: How many times and in how many ways can I say that this girl is absolutely perfect? What I loved about season 6 winner Jeanine was her amazing control over her own body and movement, and Eliana has that times 1000000000.
Erica: It’s not just her control; it’s her joy. It’s the way dancing looks natural on her the way walking looks natural on other people. Or, like, slumping on the couch looks natural on other people.
Kate: It did kind of look like Chehon wasn’t doing much, but I understand he probably did. The pas de duex is for the girl anyway.
Erica: And what he did, he did really well. He’s stunning. I’m not as over-the-moon for him as I am for her, because I don’t think he’s as adaptable, and he’s not as natural or joyous or accessible as he is, but he is still a wonderful dancer as long as the style is somewhere within his range. Also he is kinda hot.
Tiffany & Cyrus: Lyrical hip-hop, “Best Thing I Never Had” by Beyonce, choreographed by Tessandra Chavez
Kate: Well I love lyrical hip-hop. This had some really cool lifts and tosses, but I suppose it’s easy to toss her around, and I think they have good chemistry.
Erica: I do not love lyrical hip-hop. And I thought they looked excessively floppy. I would blame the dancing in Tiffany’s case, but Cyrus was floppy, too, and Lord knows Cyrus’s main thing is his ability to use sharp movements, so it must have been the choreography.
Group Dance: Contemporary? “Ein Kleine Nachtmusik” (District 78 remix) by KPM Studio Artists, choreographedy by Tasty Oreo
Erica: I really liked it! Don’t tell Tyce.
Kate: Great song, great combination of styles. I wish we had seen much more of this throughout the season.
Erica: Seriously; it was so much fun. Well, it was fun the first 2 or 3 times I watched it. Zoe kept demanding rewatches, so by the 6th time, I was heartily sick of it.
Erica: I liked her video. She was saying, in her nicest Eliana-ish way, “Yeah, I really hated having to drag Cyrus’s ass across the stage every week, and then I had to watch him get all the votes while I ended up in the bottom at least once. It was such a relief to finally dance with a real dancer, Alex Wong. BTW, we’re doing it. Maybe.”
Kate: OMG. Her toes.
Erica: Um, yes. She is amazing. But also in the video when they showed her and Alex Wong dancing to “Bang Bang”, Zoe got really upset. “Her baby should NOT shot her. That’s bad.” Then she curled up in my arms and fell asleep.
Chehon & Season 2’s Allison: Contemporary, “Leave” from Once (original Broadway cast), choreographed by Stacey Tookey
Kate: In the words of Mary Murphy: WWWAAAAEEOOOOWWEEEE!!!!
Erica: Yeah, seriously. Good job, guys.
Kate: First of all, I am DYING to see this musical and/or movie, preferrably both, in that order.
Erica: Yeah, what is this? Is it new? I’ve never heard of it.
Kate: This was the definition of fantastic partnering. And Twitch is gonna kick his ass for kissing his lady (if she still is his lady?). And, Er, Stacey really does have very cute hair.
Erica: Seriously, Kate, I think Twitch and Allison are seasoned performers who can handle this shit. Also, maybe Chehon IS straight?
Kate: Don’t you think while the judges were talking to him his smile said “Thank you, if I don’t win, I’ll kill you all”?
Erica: Yeah. Which he kind of should.
Eliana & Tiffany: Broadway/burlesque, “Mama Knows Best” from Chicago (1996 revival Broadway cast), choreographed by Ray Leeper
Kate: How excited were you about this, Er?
Erica: Every once in a while, this show goes, “Erica Wovsaniker of Buffalo Grove, IL, what would you like to see happen?” And then they do this! Thanks, show!
Kate: I thought it was a cool concept but they actually didn’t look great together because of their totally different styles — Tiffany used hairography way too much and Eliana was almost TOO graceful and not raunchy enough, you know? But this was the first time they used a pole on the show so it was still overall very cool.
Erica: Well, you know the show. Too raunchy is unacceptable. But it’s worth keeping in mind that this is actually what Eliana did for a living before she was on this show — she was a pole dancer with Cirque du Soleil.
Kate: Ah, that explains that riDICULOUS ending pose. And EW WHAT A MEAN Queen Latifah comment!!
Erica: I know, right?! As much as I loved this number, Queen Latifah’s rendition of the same in ROB-MARSHALL-THE-MAKER-OF-THE-MEAN-COMMENT’S MOVIE was hotttt and he should STFU.
Kate: This. Is. Not. Dancing.
Erica: I disagree. But I still have nothing interesting to say about solos.
Kate: My my she is quite self-centered eh? Did you notice how she stumbled in her turns where Eliana never has/would?
Erica: I have to say, I feel her, because when we started, to me, she was just another tiny brunette contemporary dancer who I was going to mix up with the other one the whole time. And I understand that, if you’re on a show like this, you’re going to worry about stuff like that. And she wasn’t as gracious about discussing these issues as Eliana was, but she’s very very young. Jason was like, “Is she twelve?” when he saw her in the beginning, and honestly? She’s not far from it.
Cyrus & Chehon: Contemporary?, “Fangs” (District 78 remix) by Little Red Lungs, choreographed by Sonya Tayeh
Kate: They sure do love their District 78 around here don’t they?
Erica: I am dorky enough that I only know District 78 through this show, and I almost started to wonder if they’re some sort of house band? Or, uh, house DJs or whatever?
Kate: This wasn’t as bad or awkward as I thought it would be, they acutally worked better together than the girls, but Cyrus just doesn’t remember to extend and lengthen his movements the way it is just ingrained in Chehon to do.
Erica: Yeah, but they looked pretty good doing it.
Kate: Also, the judges didn’t critique this dance at all.
Erica: It’s the last show. They don’t want to say much.
Kate: Oh my god, they just had to try and outdo the wheel chair dance from last week didn’t they? What that cute little boy was doing was so dangerous, I can’t even.
Erica: I . . . didn’t watch. I had to get to sleep at some point.
Kate: I love this song!! I only know it from this show!
Erica: Okay. He is lovely. As per usual.
Eliana & Season Never’s Alex: Contemporoary, “Without You” by Harry Nilsson, choreographed by Travis Wall
Kate: They are really great together, two ballerinas doing another style.
Erica: Yeah, I was remembering while I watched that Alex Wong more or less had the same story as Eliana and Chehon — trained, working, professional ballet dancers who wanted to, you know, bust out of their genre and have a little fun.
Kate: But why is he so tan?
Erica: Was it me or was the singer on this song kind of terrible? I feel like I’ve heard this song sung much better. But then Nigel was like, “I love this song by this guy” and I wondered if I was hearing things.
Tiffany & Chehon: Rumba, “Love Me Tender” by Norah Jones & Adam Levy, choreographed by Season 2’s Dmitry
Kate: Heinous cover. This was a cover of Elvis right?
Erica: Yes. I thought it was sweet but sort of boring.
Kate: I agreed with the judges, no chemistry at all, but beautiful movement. Why do they keep doing weird slow dances to the Latin ballroom stuff?
Erica: Well, rumbas are slow. Which is why I sort of don’t like them.
Cyrus & Season 4’s TWITCH!: Animation, “Like a Criminal” by District 78, choreographed by Chris Scott
Kate: Holy moly.
Kate: But see it looked like it was teacher and protege dancing together; when Twitch does animation stuff he does it with so much style and it looks like he is still DANCING.
Erica: Totally disagree with you. I thought Cyrus looked better doing this than Twitch did because Cyrus had the sharper, pop-er movements. I mean, they both looked f-ing awesome and it was a great, great, great piece from all the participants, but Cyrus had a slight edge. Don’t yell; I already know you disagree.
Kate: Um, why would Nigel say that?
Erica: No, seriously, Nigel, why would you say that? You are a judge and an executive producer on this show. As a judge, it’s totes inappropes to say outright who you’re voting for on this show, and as an executive producer, it’s TOTES INAPPROPES for you to be voting AT ALL. God.
Kate: Anyway, see y’all next week for the actual finale. Eliana and Chehon should win. Eliana and Cyrus will win. And America, if Eliana loses? I’m leaving.