Erica: Check this out! It’s an Erica/Kate conversation about Emmys fashion! And yes, I’m going with Emmys and not Emmies. I don’t know. The latter looks wrong to me.
Kate: Emmys is correct; even iPhone autocorrect recognizes it. Same with Tonys. (Right?)
Erica: Right. Except iPhone autocorrect didn’t recognize “kale” and thought I wanted some “black male panzanella.” So I don’t always trust iPhone autocorrect. Anyway, let’s go!
Erica: I think she looks great!
Kate: I LOVE! Such a great color and I’m so pleased she won for Veep for 2 reasons: 1) It’s a grown-up comedy about politics that I actually know and like and understand, and 2) HBO never wins for comedies. But when they zoomed in on her during the acceptance speech I noted that her earrings didn’t match and her makeup looked not quite finished.
Erica: Her hair and make up could be a little more oomphy. But she looks fantastic! I’m so proud of her!
Erica: On the other hand . . .
Kate: I know, this really upset me, but it’s not SO bad from the waist down.
Erica: I mean, let’s discuss. Connie Britton has the greatest head of hair in recorded history. I checked. So why is it up?
Kate: I really am not sure.
Erica: And the shape is so blah! Connie, you are a hottie! Dress like it!
Kate: But the color actually works because of her hair color, no?
Erica: I guess.
Kate: PS So excited for her new show Nashville October 10!!!!
Erica: Yeah, me too. On to the women of “Mad Men”! Starting with, naturally . . .
Erica: Hair? Perfect. Make-up? Great. Dress?
Kate: PERFECT, MINUS THE BELT! What is with everyone and belts on the red carpet?
Erica: Yeah, that’s my problem. I mean, my real problem is that it looks like an actual belt. I hate that on a formal gown.
Kate: And I love her hair all grown out like that, and the earrings, and that facial expression. She knew she won this one.
Erica: She wins at life, man.
Erica: Why is she blonde?
Erica: No, I mean, why is she blonde?
Kate: Why did the seamstress not finish the bottom half of this dress?
Erica: Yeah, but why is she blonde?
Erica: First, I love whatever this gesture is. This is a caption-worthy photo right here.
Kate: Do I even need to say anything?
Erica: Here’s the thing about January Jones. She seems to always dress like she’s trying to convince everyone that she is NOT Betty Draper and a lot of the time she looks ridiculous. And miserable. But here, I don’t know, maybe it’s the smile, but I think I really love this dress.
Kate: Here’s the thing about January Jones, she looks terrible here and should try dress shapes other than tight as hell on top and stupidly poofy on the bottom.
Erica: I don’t know; she’s very experimental and I sort of like this one.
Kate: If experimental means continuously wearing the same stupid thing.
Erica: OMG she looks adorable.
Kate: Yes, perfect!!
Erica: Now what about the girls of “Girls”? Jemima Kirke (the wacky Jenna) was mysteriously absent (or mysteriously if you haven’t, you know, Googled her or anything) but how did the rest of them do?
Erica: You know what? I’m grading her on a curve. A curve made up of all of her other fashion choices ever, including what she dresses her character in for “Girls”. And on that curve? Solid B+.
Kate: I was actually expecting a lot more from Lena because she uglies herself up so much for the show and she is actually a good-looking human being, but I think she truly just doesn’t give a hoot.
Erica: See, the thing is, she’s a perfectly fine-looking person . . . for a person. Not so much for a Hollywood actress. And she appears determined at all times to demonstrate that she’s not even TRYING to be pretty like everyone else. She’s doing like, the opposite of what January Jones does.
Kate: Ergo, I adore her.
Erica: I mean, I love her. She’s adorable on the show and I really want to see more from her character and more from her as an actress. She’s a person who, if I know she’s in a movie, I’ll see it, just for her.
Kate: I can’t decide who’s funnier, her or Marni, but this was a total fail for her red carpet debut. And she has the wrong shape/size head/ears for her hair to be so severely slicked back like that, as do most people.
Erica: Seriously, ladies of the entertainment industry. Hair is pretty. Especially YOUR hair. Show it off!
Erica: She is way skinnier than I thought she was. Or she lost weight. She should not do that.
Kate: She does look like she lost weight, but I absolutely love this dress, except for that stupid peplum thing that is literally haunting me everywhere I go.
Erica: Literally? Really?
Kate: They are everywhere!!!
Erica: The thing about the peplum is that it’s supposed to create hips on bodies that don’t have them. And some bodies really don’t. But some bodies have just dieted theirs into oblivion, Allison.
Kate: They are an eyesore.
Erica: So who else do we want to talk about?
Kate: How about . . .
Erica: Really? I feel like this is not very exciting from her.
Kate: No but I like it/would wear it, but I do agree with what my fashion-conscious boyfriend said during the football game commercial when I was permitted to see all the pretty dresses: She’s too skinny.
Erica: Yeah, she’s lost a little weight, too, and not in a good way. But honestly, she’s hardly the worst offender there, Allison. Also, Kate, I don’t like that dress for you.
Kate: Fine, I’ll text her back and tell her to cancel sending it to me.
Erica: So I feel like I frequently enjoy her outfits at awards shows, and this is no exception. But what is up with her face? It’s not like I normally know what she looks like, because I don’t watch the show she’s on (or, actually, know what it is), but I feel like that’s not normally what her face looks like.
Kate: This is one of three very blonde ladies who woe bright-ass yellow, and the worst one. I mean, ew!
Erica: Really? I like it. And I think Julianne Moore’s is the worst one. (I know she’s not blonde but she also chose bright yellow.) Why does such a beautiful woman dress like that?
Kate: Yes, Julianne Moore looked terrible as well. That was way too much for the Emmys.
Erica: Hey, what about the lovely ladies of “Modern Family”?
Kate: She is a mermaid, and not in a good way.
Erica: She’s wearing a cool color this time instead of a warm one. That’s a change, right?
Kate: Why doesn’t she try wearing her hair up for once?
Erica: Geez, we are difficult to please.
Kate: Well this is exactly why they attend these things!
Erica: I really like Julie Bowen. I think she’s one of the prettiest people, in a very quiet way, like you could almost mistake her for a regular person until you look at her again, but I am frequently critical of her fashion choices. I take it all back. This is by far the worst thing she’s ever worn.
Kate: Second blondie wearing yellow (or is it neon green?), and I hate this one as well.
Erica: No, wait, I’m sorry, it’s not the dress. It’s the hair. What’s up with your hair, Julie Bowen?
Kate: It looks 10 times worse than mine when I don’t do it/put anything into it, and that’s pretty bad.
Erica: Okay, who else?
Erica: I’m sure there’s a dress that could be slightly more flattering on her and I wish she’d ease up on makeup just a touch — like, back when Jane was a) in existence and b) good, they used to do a monthly Make-Under, and I’d kind of like to see that done to Mindy here, but, you know, I think she’s just terrific and overall she looks lovely.
Kate: I LOOOOVEEE! The goddessy shape is my favorite and the color is super swell, I just could do without the gold belt and that gothic lipstick color. Jeez Mindy. (Er you need to give me her book still!)
Erica: Kate, I took it out of the library, so I don’t know what to tell you.
Kate: Ugh, damn the man.
Erica: I really love her. I don’t know why she’s making that face. But I love her. And I sort of love this dress. It’s not that it looks amazing on her, and I’m always hesitant about belted things, and in this case, the color on the belt is a mismatch, but the dress is really interesting and unusual and the color is great and I think I like it.
Kate: Yes that is quite a face, and I sort of love it too, which is surprising to me.
Erica: Those shoes, though. Those shoes freak me out.
Kate: See, I like the shoes and how they peak out from the dress but still sort of blend into it. (What is wrong with me?)
Erica: No, look closer! They are the orange version of the ones Rihanna wore that don’t actually cover the toes!
Kate: I know, I still like it, so I will check myself into a mental institution shortly after this post.
Erica: She looks pretty good.
Kate: I don’t love the hair but this dress is a nice change from the same 3 she wore all spring award show season.
Erica: I kind of hate that her purse and ring clash, and there are a whole lot of textures going on in the dress, but the shape is good and I’d say it’s a win for her.
Kate: Oh I didn’t even notice, but her ring matches her nails no?
Erica: Yeah. I like the ring. Just not with the purse.
Kate: And I’M tough to please?
Kate: I actually sort of love this dress, it’s very different, but I hate that she keeps doing that horrible thing with her hair. Down and mussy would have been perfect-o.
Erica: I absolutely adore this dress, and agree with you about the hair. She’s another one with simply fabulous locks that should always be visible. Although in this dress you could also do some pretty braids and twists and things.
Kate: No, braids and twists are bad.
Kate: Third blondie wearing yellow and this is my favorite one, although it looked much better live during the show than it does in this photo. You’re going to say you don’t like the bagginess of it, aren’t you?
Erica: Yeah, I am. Although to be fair, I didn’t watch the telecast, so maybe you’re right. Also her makeup is washing her out.
Kate: Then it’s definitely the fault of the photo because she looked great during the show.
Kate: Um excuse me I love this!!
Erica: This is sexy! I like that Tina Fey is finally embracing that she’s a good-looking person.
Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi
Erica: Ellen looks . . . I mean, I don’t like her hair like that but otherwise she looks fine. She likes to do the suity thing and it’s fine.
Kate: Yea, you can’t say anything bad about Ellen.
Erica: But Portia appears to be wearing a beige macrame jumpsuit. I just do not know what the hell anymore because seriously.
Kate: Blends in with her skintone and hair, which you know I love (no). Also, those are pants…?
Erica: Yes! It’s just…Quick, let’s look at something else.
Erica: Ah, that’s better. Like a lovely sorbet for the eyes.
Kate: Her face and hair are adorable as usual but the top of that dress does very strange things to her chest.
Erica: Yeah, but it’s so dreamy! It’s not her usual style. It’s not obviously retro or quirky or costume-y. But it still suits her.
Kate: And I actually like the lack of jewelry with hair up and a strapless dress, very natural.
Erica: Jewelry would make that dress look weirdly trashy, I think. Ethereal air sprites don’t wear jewelry.
Kate: And on that note, we bid you adieu.