It’s that time of year again when I unleash my fashion expertise upon the world and analyze everything every famous person wears to every award show. But first, I have decided to also grace the world with my movie/television expertise in predicting the winners for each category at the 2013 Golden Globes. Well, for each category I actually care about.
BEST MOVIE, DRAMA
And the nominees are: Argo, Django Unchained, Life of Pi, Lincoln, Zero Dark Thirty
Who I think should win: Argo. Because it’s the only one of the five I saw.
Who will probably win: Lincoln. Because it’s historical.
What actually happened: Argo for the (surprise) win! Take THAT, Academy!
BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA
And the nominees are: Jessica Chastain in Zero Dark Thirty, Marion Cotillard in Rust and Bone, Helen Mirren in Hitchcock, Naomi Watts in The Impossible, Rachel Weisz in The Deep Blue Sea
Who I think should win: Jessica Chastain, because my boyfriend said it/she was very very good and I have seen none of these.
Who will probably win: Hm, it’s a tossup because I feel like “academy” people love all five of these women. I’ll stick with Jessica.
What actually happened: I was right, of course.
BEST ACTOR, DRAMA
And the nominees are: Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln, Richard Gere in Arbitrage, John Hawkes in The Sessions, Joaquin Phoenix in The Master, Denzel Washington in Flight
Who I think should win: Denzel. I really wanted to see that, and he is a beast in everything he does.
Who will probably win: Joaquin. Because he is flippin’ nuts and people love that.
What actually happened: Daniel Day-Lewis won, probably because Bill freakin’ Clinton introduced the Lincoln movie montage. That was awesome.
BEST MOVIE, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
And the nominees are: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Les Miserables, Moonrise Kingdom, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Silver Linings Playbook
Who I think should win: Wait, The Best Exotic Marigold hotel was like a legitimate movie? But it looked so goofy. OBVIOUSLY I want Les Mis to win.
Who will probably win: Les Mis. Because, although I’ve never told anyone this before, I control the Golden Globes. With my mind.
What actually happened: The world succumbed to my mind control and LES MIS WON LES MIS WON! But why they did not sing their acceptance speech, I do not know.
BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
And the nominees are: Emily Blunt in Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Judi Dench in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook, Maggie Smith in Quartet, Meryl Streep in Hope Springs
Who I think should win: Meryl Streep; I also did not know Hope Springs was a legitimate movie, but it’s Meryl. She wins things.
Who will probably win: I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say Jennifer Lawrence, for the next generation.
What actually happened: I was right, again, duh. I’m happy for her but she should seriously shy away from talking any kind of sh!t about Meryl.
BEST ACTOR, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
And the nominees are: Jack Black in Bernie, Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook, Hugh Jackman in Les Miserables, Ewan McGregor in Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Bill Murray in Hyde Park on Hudson
Who I think should win: HUGH HUGH HUGH HUGH HUGH HUGH HUGH HUGH HUGH! WHO AM I? WHOOO AMMM IIII? JEAN VALJEAN!
Who will probably win: HUGH!!!! (What is Hyde Park on Hudson?)
What actually happened: Hugh won Hugh won Hugh won! Praise!
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
And the nominees are: Amy Adams in The Master, Sally Field in Lincoln, Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables, Helen Hunt in The Sessions, Nicole Kidman in The Paperboy
Who I think should win: You guys may think I’m totally Les Mis biased, and I am partly because it’s the only one of these movies I’ve seen besides Argo, but in all impartial honesty I have listened to various Les Mis soundtracks all week and have determined that no one does a better job as Fantine (singing-wise) then Anne. “I Dreamed a Dream” has been bringing me to tears at my desk all week.
Who will probably win: Nicole because she probably did some random obscure movie no one except the people who do these nominations has heard of, but maybe Sally because of the historical nonsense, but I am going to use my mind control tricks again and say ANNE! ANNE AND HUGH FOR THE WINS!
What actulally happened: Dreams really do come true — ANNE WON! And looked so very Audrey doing it!
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
And the nominees are: Alan Arkin in Argo, Leonardo DiCaprio in Django Unchained, Philip Seymour Hoffman in The Master, Tommy Lee Jones in Lincoln, Christoph Waltz in Django Unchained
Who I think should win: Leo. I thought Alan Arkin was splendid in Argo but poor Leo wasn’t nominated for an Oscar (nor is he ever) so we have to let him have something!
Who will probably win: Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don’t even need to say why.
What actually happened: Christoph Waltz won for Django Unchained, making Leo more bitter than ever.
And the nominees are: Ben Affleck for Argo, Kathryn Bigelow for Zero Dark Thirty, Ang Lee for Life of Pi, Steven Spielberg for Lincoln, Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained
Who I think should win: Poor sweet Bennyboobooboo (who caught that reference?) wasn’t nominated for his acting so I think he should get the director recognition.
Who will probably win: Spielberg or Tarantino, just because of who they are. Ruiners.
What actually happened: Ben Affleck won for Argo! Again, take THAT Academy!
And the nominees are: “For You” from Act of Valour, “Not Running Anymore” from Stand Up Guys, “Safe & Sound” from The Hunger Games, “Skyfall” from Skyfall, “Suddenly” from Les Miserables
Who I think should win: I’m torn. Obviously I am Team Les Mis all the way, but I am also Team Adele forever and always, and she did “Skyfall”. Even though I didn’t like the song nearly as much as her various other life-changing tunes, I want her to win absolutely every possible thing ever in life. And then there’s The Hunger Games song, and I unexpectedly enjoyed that movie very much. But T. Swift (it’s her song) winning a Globe? No thanks.
Who will probably win: Skyfall, because EVERYONE is Team Adele forever and always.
What actually happened: Adele won and gave another adorable acceptance speech.
BEST SERIES, DRAMA
And the nominees are: Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire, Downton Abbey, Homeland, The Newsroom
Who I think should win: The Newsroom! HBO has brought so much joy to my life this past year and The Newsroom is part of the reason.
Who will probably win: Homeland, because of politics and sh!t.
What actually happened: I was, again, right.
BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA
And the nominees are: Connie Britton on Nashville, Glenn Close on Damages, Claire Danes on Homeland, Michelle Dockery on Downton Abbey, Julianna Margulies on The Good Wife
Who I think should win: Connie should win based on hair alone.
Who will probably win: Since I know they don’t vote based on hair, I only want the best for Angela Chase, Claire Danes. Didn’t she win last year?
What actually happened: Claire Danes won; I think I was mistaking last year’s Golden Globes for last year’s Emmys which is where she also won this category.
BEST ACTOR, DRAMA
And the nominees are: Steve Buscemi on Boardwalk Empire, Bryan Cranston on Breaking Bad, Jeff Daniels on The Newsroom, Jon Hamm on Mad Men, Damian Lewis on Homeland
Who I think should win: I hope my loyal readers know me well enough by now to know the answer is, emphatically, Mr. Hamm. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Who will probably win: Steve. Which is also a-okay with me, the man’s a beast.
What actually happened: Homeland swept the TV drama category and Damian Lewis won. I was mildly surprised it wasn’t Steve, but no one was more surprised (and upset) than Jeff Daniels judging by his not-so-graceful losing face.
BEST SERIES, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
And the nominees are: The Big Bang Theory, Episodes, Girls, Modern Family, Smash
Who I think should win: GIRLS! By a landslide! This show is not just a younger, poorer version of Sex and the City; it is pure genius. It applies to every single female under 30 I know.
Who will probably win: Oh please oh please let it not be Modern Family for the 10000th year in a row. Please Girls please?!
What actually happened: My dreams came true aGAIN and Girls won! I find it odd that their second season premiere was on the same night as the Globes, though.
BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
And the nominees are: Zooey Deshanel on New Girl, Julia Louis-Dreyfus on Veep, Lena Dunham on Girls, Tina Fey on 30 Rock, Amy Poehler on Parks and Recreation
Who I think should win: I’m torn once again because I want all of these fabulous females to win. New Girl is not as good as it was last season, but I still enjoy Zooey. I ADORE Veep (another new HBO delight) and think Julia is perfect on it, Lena is brilliant, and who doesn’t love Tina and Amy? (They just so happen to be co-hosting, so if one of them wins it could get kind of awkward? Even though they are supposed to be BFFs?)
Who will probably win: I’m going with Lena or Julia.
What actually happened: Lena/Girls won again, hoorah!
BEST ACTOR, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
And the nominees are: Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock, Don Cheadle on House of Lies, Louis C.K. on Louie, Matt LeBlanc on Episodes, Jim Parsons on The Big Bang Theory
Who I think should win: Matt LeBlanc. Because almost 20 years (yes 20!) after Friends, the man needs something to hold on to. Did he ever win/get nominated for Friends?
Who will probably win: Jim Parsons on The Big Bang Theory, I feel like the win a lot. Or sometimes.
What actually happened: Don Cheadle won for a show I have never heard of. This was a weird category this year.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, SERIES/MINI-SERIES/MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE
(Have they always combined the TV actor/actress supporting categories this way? It’s odd.)
And the nominees are: Hayden Panettiere on Nashville, Archie Panjabi on The Good Wife, Sarah Paulson in Game Change, Maggie Smith on Downton Abbey, Sofia Vergara on Modern Family
Who I think should win: As much as I adore Nashville, Hayden’s acting is not what one would call great. I’ll actually go with Sofia on this — I know I’ve hated on her before, but ever since seeing her performance in New Years Eve I actually find her funny and somewhat talented. But still annoying.
Who will probably win: Maggie Smith. People love that Downton thing. Or Sofia, because Modern Family always wins.
What actually happened: Maggie Smith, whom I will never look at and not think of Hook, won.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, SERIES/MINI-SERIES/MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE
And the nominees are: Max Greenfield on New Girl, Ed Harris in Game Change, Danny Huston on Magic City, Mandy Patinkin on Homeland, Eric Stonestreet on Modern Family
Who I think should win: Hmm, maybe Ed in Game Change. I enjoyed that film because I a) understood it even though it was about politics, and b) stayed awake for it. Most of it.
Who will probably win: Eric Stonestreet. See above.
What actually happened: Ed Harris won for Game Change, which also won best mini-series/made-for-TV movie and I think one more thing, which pleased me because of the above reasons.
Fashion police review coming up shortly!