Erica: Grammy time! You know what I love about the Grammys?
Erica: At the Grammys, celebs tend to go a little nuts with their look. You know, it’s music! It’s rock and roll! It’s . . .
Erica: Hey, wait a second.
Kate: I am a new fan of Carrie so I like this, but I don’t think the necklace matches. And she fooled me with her hair because I thought it looked so cute at that length and then she turned around and there was a whole lot more/longer hair in the back, which I didn’t feel was necessary.
Erica: Well, she is a country star. And I’m used to seeing Carrie Underwood dress like she’s an aging country star, so this is definitely an improvement.
Kate: Are you nuts? She dresses so cute!
Erica: On the red carpet, I’ve mainly seen her in things that would be appropriate on a woman at least twenty years her senior. This is very beautiful. The details are interesting and pretty. She looks good. But surely someone must have brought the funk, right? Like Rihanna! She’s always very interesting with her fashion choices!
Kate: I hate this woman so much.
Erica: I mean, it looks beautiful, it really does. And she’s all happy and glowy. I guess she’s pleased to be back with her boyfriend Chris Brown. Look, Rihanna, I know you love him and you feel all giddy now. But has he gone to anger management therapy? Has he confronted his demons? Found Jesus? Done anything to make you think he’s not going to hit you again? Or has he tattooed your bruised face to his neck and dressed like a terrorist for Halloween?
Kate: I mean, her forehead is so big, I don’t understand why she just doesn’t wear bangs. And this was WAY too sheer in the front. #Nips
Erica: I’m just saying, Ri-Ri, you sing a lot of songs about how you should not be trusted to make your own decisions, especially when it comes to love. But look, when you need us, my daughter Zoe and I will be there for you. You can come stay at our house and we will feed you and play Just Dance with you. Zoe will still love you.
Erica: Okay, that’s a little funky. Way more glam than funky, but . . . with stomach cut-outs? That I actually think look good?
Kate: Oh I like this much better than what she wore to perform!
Erica: Oh, totes. That is some weirdly proportioned sh!t right there.
Erica: Well, no one expects Taylor Swift to be funky. God, I hate this twit. Not in the least because “We Are Never, Never, Never Getting Back Together” will never, never, never leave my head.
Kate: I actually really like this dress and minus all the silvery meshy things in the middle/on the side, and the cutouts, it is similar to the wedding dress I am designing for myself in my head.
Erica: Well, I am a little meh about the dress. I liked it at first glance, but the more I look at it, the more the proportions are a little weird and I don’t love the slits. On the plus side, my Hebrew School kids wrote a pretty good parody of that song to go with the story of Judith.
Erica: Now, I know you hate braids in general, and I like braids, but these braids are a little sloppy for the rest of the look/Taylor Swift’s image in general.
Kate: I have made my feelings about braids on the red carpet VERY clear.
Erica: So are they okay off the red carpet? Because I really think they’re kinda cute.
Kate: Only if your name is Moondance or you’re under the age of 10.
Kate: I screamed at the TV when she came on. This is HORRENDOUS. She is no longer the daring fashionista with Latina flavor who wore that green thing and looked good, she is now too old and too annoying to be wearing something so obnoxious.
Erica: Talk about a slit. Although you don’t have to be ageist about it.
Kate: The woman has a phenomenal body but I do NOT need to see that much of her leg, or anyone else’s for that matter. And that bun? What is that bun? I put my hair in that bun every night before I go to bed. UGH!
Erica: J. Lo, I am not your gynecologist.
Erica: Now, it’s not clear to me what she’s doing here, but remember how bad she looked at the SAGs? She looks so much better here! Her hair isn’t all bizarre and her make-up makes her face look like that of a healthy young actress and not a dying prostitute circa 1894.
Kate: My roommate said she is dating a high-level CBS executive so that is why she is at everything now. But she looks like she is going to lunch with a friend, no?
Erica: True . . . but with a little more funk than anyone else has shown.
Erica: Now, what the f is going on here?
Kate: Apparently she and Kaley decided to wear what they wore to lunch that day. I was very disappointed in this.
Erica: I mean, this is Beyonce f*cking Knowles. This is looks less glamorous than what she usually wears to the supermarket.
Kate: I’m SAYING!
Kate: I think she is actually gorgeous, and I like that she’s one of the only people who ever wears colors like this, but this was not a good choice.
Erica: Grandma Edith would have worn this dress. In her 80s. Why is Katy Perry who is not more than 25 wearing it?
Kate: She most certainly would not have. (But she would have had matching sneakers.)
Erica: Oh, dear.
Kate: No no no no no! She is an angel/goddess/saint and she looks so cute! At least she isn’t wearing black again, right?
Erica: I like the concept of the dress, and it’s kind of adorable and fun that the shoes match, and she’s lovely as ever, but the top is making her look really frumpy and square. Adele, darling, we have not dissimilar figures. And we need a little v or at least a scoop in our neck.
Kate: Fine, fair enough, but I like how it stands out from her other award show choices. And I think the length is actually great on her.
Erica: I mean, I love you, and you are perfection in all things. I just want to take a scissor to your neckline. That’s all.
Carly Rae Jepsen
Kate: So bad! Why would this cutesy little pop princess go for the vamp look at her first big awards show? Why why why?
Erica: Especially since it might also be her last!
Kate: I can’t believe this is Givenchy.
Erica: See? They aren’t infallible.
Kate: It actually would be quite swell without all the horns/thorns/whatever you want to call them. I love the color and THIS (ahem, Jennifer Lopez) is the appropriate use of a slit.
Erica: Color, yes. Slit, yes. Material? Bleh. Shape? Bleh.
Kate: But…Bad lipstick.
Kate: You know, I kind of loved this during the show.
Erica: Yeah, I loved my first glimpse of it, too.
Kate: But now I realize that I don’t love the length, and the shoes do not look good with it. I still think it’s funky and cool, and you can never go wrong with a little black and a little lace, I always say.
Erica: Shoes could definitely be cooler. But overall, a good look.
Kate: So in two weeks it’s the BIG ONE you guys…OSCARS!!! If anyone wears pants, belts, headbands and/or braids, or any combination of the four, I may denounce Hollywood altogether. Stay tuned.