Erica: Boo, hiss, no Makenzie.
Kate: Stupid horrible country.
Opening Number – Contemporary: “Move to the Ocean (Bauer Remix)” by Brick and Mortar; choreo by Mia Michaels
Erica: So the performers were dressed like they were in some kind of 19th century burlesque circus, which was awesome, and the dance was really quirky and cool and sharp and I totally loved it. And then Mia Michaels choreographed it so that was exciting. She hasn’t done any new dances for this show in forever.
Kate: I LOVED this. It was almost kind of like hip-hop a little?
Erica: And then Cat announced that the rest of the dances would be choreographed by the All-Stars and I was kind of like, “Is this an ego thing? Does Mia Michaels refuse to choreograph if her work is going to be shown alongside Sonya and Mandy and all the rest?” But that can’t be it, right?
Kate: Well, she is Mia.
Erica: And Zoe demanded that I write down that during this dance she lifted up her nighting gown and did a belly dance. And also Atela, who may or may not have been her imaginary sister for the night, followed her moves and did a great job.
Erica: Holy shit this was terrible.
Kate: Literally the worst I’ve ever seen her look.
Erica: Jumpsuit! Just . . . jumpsuit! No!
Kate: Um what about that slicked-back hair?
Erica: And the hair! Total hate for the hair and eye make-up!
Kate: Her eye makeup looked like Melissa Gorga’s, which I hate. Not EVERY occasion calls for hardcore smoky eyes, ladies!
Erica: So you know how sometimes the universe works such that something that never comes up ever in your life comes up suddenly several times in succession? I thought it was funny that Jenna Elfman was a judge, because a) didn’t know about her impressive dance history, and b) I just watched EdTV last week. Which, as it turns out, I had never seen the whole way through, and which, by the way, was made in 1999 and is a total mind trip to watch now.
Kate: I didn’t know she had a dance background either, all I can think of is her as the slutty angel in Can’t Hardly Wait.
Erica: So the bottom four are Jenna (of course), Hayley, Tucker, and Fik-Shun (!).
Kate: Wah for Fik-Shun.
Erica: And they’re all solo-ing.
Fik-Shun’s Solo – “If You Crump Stand Up” by edIT
Erica: Zoe also demanded that I record the following exchange:
Zoe: Fik Shun is so cool.
Erica: I am not a big fan.
Zoe: But he has cool moves. Just look.
Erica: Then she gave me a big kiss for writing it down properly.
Kate: You are good at following her instructions.
Erica: He’s really a lot better than I give him credit for. I haven’t wanted to like him because this show has pushed me so hard to like him and he has that b-boy story they love because they want to be all “You’ve never heard of dance! You are like a wood nymph, ignorant of our ways, except by ‘wood’ we mean ‘ghetto’ and it doesn’t really matter that you appear to have had about the same amount of experience with the ‘ghetto’ as Nigel; you are brown and you break-dance and this is your story.” But he’s really pretty excellent.
Kate: Yes he is!
Hayley’s Solo – “Skin and Bones” by David J. Roth
Erica: I feel about her the way I always have – she’s very, very good, but not particularly interesting or distinct. Which could be due to her being twelve.
Kate: I feel like this song is on every episode of this show. And I disagree, I think she is amazing.
Jenna’s Solo – “Greyhound” by Swedish House Mafia
Erica: What is this awful noise?
Kate: This is the worst thing ever. What is with her face tonight?
Tucker’s Solo – “Beautiful Child” by Rufus Wainwright
Erica: His height, which everyone talks about like it’s a liability, is so beautifully used. I love to watch him move.
Kate: I know, but there is still something about him that’s just not working.
Aaron & Season 4’s Chelsie – Jive: “Great Balls of Fire” from Million Dollar Quartet
Erica: So, like I said, the All-Stars are also the choreographers this episode, and I was very skeptical at first as to how this would work out, but they seem to have chosen mostly the older, more experienced dancers for this, so it worked out really well, I thought. I love jives, I love Chelsie, and I thought this was some really great jive choreography.
Kate: Yes but I still don’t like him, he looks lazy. And this version of this song REALLY bothers me.
Erica: I thought Aaron looked sort of lunkish and awkward occasionally, but his kicks were quite graceful, and oh man can he get height with his jumps.
Erica: Also, how many car accidents can be involved in one season? Good lord. Driving is dangerous, kids. Stay home and watch TV instead.
Fik-Shun & Season 2’s Allison – Contemporary: “Skinny Love” by Birdy
Erica: First of all, Fik-Shun looks just like his dad. Second of all, I thought she was beautiful in her own season but damn, she just keeps getting more gorgeous. Also she made a sort of Claire Danes face at the end when she was talking about progress and shit.
Kate: I thought this was unreal. Like Melanie, she brought out the absolute best in him.
Erica: And then I wanted to be all cynical about how BRAVE it is for SYTYCD to STAND UP FOR interracial relationships, like, God, until I was reminded that Allison is in one (and YAY they’re getting married!) and maybe knows more about how current these attitudes are than I do. Although Nigel still managed to be annoyingly self-righteous.
Kate: Such is his nature. Twitch + Allison 4eva!
Erica: But anyway the dancing was fantastic. The choreography was very good and Fik-Shun, while obviously not as polished as Allison, continues to be better than I ever expect him to be, which is as much a fault of my expectations as anything else.
Kate: See I think he did look very polished in this.
Tucker & Season 4’s Courtney – Jazz: “Clarity” by Zedd feat. Foxes
Erica: And then I was back to being pissed about Nigel/SYTYCD’s show of self-righteousness in supporting interracial relationships, when they won’t let Tucker say on camera that he’s gay. “My macho, football hero dad supports everything about me. Like my dancing. And my dancing. And even if I said anything other than ‘my dancing’, they sure as sh!t edited it out, because GOD FORBID Nigel admit that homosexuality is fairly common in male dancers.” And then he had to flirt awkwardly in rehearsal footage with Courtney so that we wouldn’t think he was GAY. Because PROGRESS is letting black boys dance with white girls on stage IN 20-F-ING-13 but not letting your male dancers say they’re gay. In 2013.
Kate: It is still Fox, you know.
Kate: Yes, I liked this a lot.
Paul & Season 4’s Comfort – Hip-Hop: “Dum Dum” by Tedashi feat. LeCrae
Kate: This. Was. Seriously. Amazing.
Erica: Paul still seems sort of bouncy and flowy and cute, but really not bad at all in this totally fun routine.
Kate: I REALLY like him. Not as much as I like Fik-Shun, but I would bot be upset if he won.
Hayley & Season 2’s Dmitry – Rumba: “Meant” by Elizaveta
Kate: HOLY MOLY!
Kate: Holy moly they were great together! Everything flowed together so seamlessly, they were like one awesome dancing human.
Erica: I normally don’t much care for the rumba but this was very sexy and I thought Hayley outdid herself.
Kate: Yes, she has actual talent!
Jenna & Season 4’s Mark – Jazz: “I Am The Best” by 2NE1
Kate: In addition to dancing with hair in front of your face, nothing bothers me more than dancers MOUTHING THE WORDS TO THE SONG TO WHICH THEY ARE DANCING, JENNA!
Kate: I barely noticed him, I was too busy being horrified by Jenna.
Erica: See, this is the point in the season where I start to feel bad about being so mean to Jenna. Because she’s really very, very good. I just don’t like her as much as I liked Malece. Or Makenzie! (sob) But this was exactly as weird as I would have expected of Mark Kanemura, and she did really very well with it. Although, good lord, does she pull some weird faces.
Kate: No, you’re wrong, this sucked.
Jasmine & Season 4’s Twitch – Hip-Hop: “The Power” by District 78 feat. Cheesa
Kate: She, like Aaron, appears lazy to me. Maybe it’s a tall people thing? I mean you are dancing with TWITCH, step your sh!t up!
Erica: Well, with Makenzie gone, she’s my girl. Not in the least because, unlike Makenzie, she seems like a genuinely enjoyable human being, too.
Amy & Season 2’s Travis – Contemporary, “Wicked Games” by James Vincent McMorrow
Kate: Umm oh my god.
Erica: And of course they pair Travis with Amy. She’s their darling. Which makes me crabby toward her, though God knows, she doesn’t deserve it. She’s spectacular. And so ridiculously strong.
Kate: She is so lucky.
Kate: How can you not connect with this wonderful man?
Erica: Okay, so after all that, Jenna is finally given her walking papers, which is fine. Tucker is sent home, too, which . . . I think he’s better than Fik-Shun, but I think Fik-Shun is more interesting, and God knows they love their journeys. Anyway, Tucker, you were a joy to watch and it’s okay with me if you’re gay even if it’s not okay with Nigel. Or Fox. I don’t know.
Kate: They did soften the blow by saying they’ll be right back there next week, though I doubt that helped. Hallelujah for Jenna finally being gone!