The Many Dresses of Tina Fey (Golden Globes 2014)

Allison Williams

Globes_Allison

Kate: I absolutely love this. I feel like it’s a pretty unique dress.
Erica: It’s definitely unique. I didn’t see this during the actual event, so I’m not sure how the fabric looks, but it’s interesting while still being fairly elegant. Not my style, really, but I get what she’s going for and it works.
Kate: But I don’t love the slicked hair — her hair is gorgeous, why would she do that?
Erica: I like volume. As a general rule.
Amy Adams
Globes_Amy
Kate: This dress is very American Hustle in that it shows 60% of each boob. I wish she had not added the necklace.
Erica: I don’t love this. She’s a beautiful woman, and her hair and makeup look great, and I think she’s a really good actress. I just don’t like the dress. The low-cutness of it doesn’t look particularly well-made.
Kate: I like it fine enough, but she looks so much better in the movie than here. Also, when she arrived and when she was sitting she put this like matching coat/cape on, which was insanely awful.
Erica: I didn’t see that. Nor did I see the movie. I am so behind.

Amy Poehler, Dress #1

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Kate: Fantastic!
Erica: Yeah? I think, fine.
Kate: Great hair, very sleek dress.
Amy Poehler, Dress #2
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Kate: I like the first one a lot better, but this is also fine.
Erica: I like this one better, and I also appreciate that it looks like it goes with Tina’s second dress (scroll down to see).
Amy Poehler, Dress #3
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Kate: Did they have this many changes last year?
Erica: I think so. I don’t get it. I mean, why bother dressing for the red carpet at all? Why not just get there early for your hosting duties and wear what you’re going to wear on stage?
Kate: I like this one too, but the first one really knocked it out of the park.
Erica: This one is fine, but my favorite is the second. But winning sure looks good on her!
Cate Blanchett 
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Kate: I do not love this, but she can’t possibly look bad in anything.
Erica: Wow, I do love this. I think it’s my favorite of the night.
Kate: I think it’s that one layer of lace at the top — without that, it’d be much better. Also, how is her @ss crack not showing in the back? Is there @ss crack-erasing makeup now?
Erica: Oh. Oh, wow. I did not see that. Although I think I still like it. Also, a) double-sided tape is keeping that thing carefully in place, and b) yes, there probably is @ss-crack-covering makeup.

Drew Barrymore

Globes_Drew

Kate: Absolutely horrid.
Erica: She’s very pregnant. I didn’t know that.
Kate: She looks like an actual cupcake, and one that I would never eat. Hate.
Erica: I feel like, I don’t necessarily like it, but it’s so her that I don’t really mind. But can we talk about ombre hair for a minute? And how it’s not ok?
Kate: It’s the reverse of skunk hair, right? And equally as awful? Yes. Gross. Stop doing this, ladies.
Elizabeth Moss
Globes_Elizabeth
Kate: Boy am I glad she’s not blond anymore.
Erica: Me too! Just that is making me rank this look higher than it deserves.
Kate: The dress is a good shape for her, but I am so over the whole sequin thing. And I hate that length.
Erica: Grading on a curve of “Things Elizabeth Moss Usually Wears on the Red Carpet,” I give this an A-. Which is not to say I don’t love her! But I don’t love her style. As her style goes, this is…Fine.

Emilia Clarke
71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals
Kate: Mmmm channeling a little Daenerys here, are we?
Erica: Is she? I don’t really like this at all.
Kate: Yea, like the structure of it, kinda? I don’t think the dress itself is phenomenal, but I do think she is an extremely attractive human. It’s really too bad her Breakfast At Tiffany’s on Broadway was so terrible.

Emma Stone

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Kate: Ew! Emma Stone, you are too skinny! What’s happened?
Erica: Yes. Hollywood, please stop skinnifying our already delightfully-shaped humans.
Kate: The dress (or skirt and shirt combo?) is very ill fitting. It would be a whole lot better if that top color/material were the whole thing.
Erica: I don’t really understand this whole look at all. Dreadful.
Emma Thompson
Emma Thompson
Kate: The ensemble is not my style, but it suits her.
Erica: No. It is awful. From head to toe. And I say this as a deep, deep admirer of Emma Thompson and I was totally delighted with her loopy presentation and the taking off of the shoes and bringing her martini on stage and everything. She is a wonderful human and a talented individual and in my Top 5 of “Living Persons with Whom I’d Like to Knock Back a Few”. But everything about this look besides her beautiful and perfectly made-up face is awful.
Kate: Also, it kind of looks like she is wearing a wig?
Emma Watson 
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Kate: I really love that red, and I need to get the name of her makeup person, but the dress looks like a backwards ’50s house dress. Pants underneath? Come on.
Erica: So I saw her present and thought she looked fine, if unremarkable. I hadn’t seen the back. What the f*ck? Honestly. But, look, she’s young, she’s experimental, and at least I am not required to be her gynecologist.
Kate: Her hair is way too casual — that’s, like, how I wear my hair to work almost every day.
Erica: Do we like her InStyle party look any better?
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Kate: No, no we do not.
Erica: Me, I feel like it’s a little schlumpy and too short.
Hayden Panettiere
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Kate: Seriously? Is that dress from Wet Seal circa 1998, or what?
Erica: I don’t even. She’s so pretty! How does she make these choices?
Kate: And again with the slicked back hair! Gross! She looks 13 years old. Such a shame.
Erica: You know, I do think she’s one of those people who just looks better in cut-offs and a tank, hair in a messy ponytail, playing football with her puppy on the beach.
Jennifer Lawrence
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Kate: Ughhh Jen, I hate the dark lipstick! And honestly, the dress is a little too similar to last year’s Oscar look.
Erica: You know, I don’t like the makeup, but I think it’s done well, if that makes any sense. Like, I’m not big on the goth look, but hers is skillfully applied. But yeah, I hate the dress.
Kate: I still adore her, so I’ll let this one slide. I hope she turns it UP for the Oscars.
Erica: Her hair looks super-cute that short, though. She doesn’t have much of a chin and this makes her face look round and cute; the longer hair I feel maybe lent her a sort of “mushy” look.

Jessica Chastain

Globes_Jessica

Kate: This is what she should have worn last year. Fab.
Erica: Can we discuss the necklace? It looks good here, but when she was presenting, it was pushed a little bit more to the shoulders and looked FABULOUS.
Kate: But AGAIN with that slicked back hair! Who told you people this looks good?!

Julianna Margulies
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Kate: LOVEEEEE!
Erica: Yes. All things are right with the world.
Kate: Love the black and gold, love the neckline, love the waist, love the hair jewelry makeup, this is a best dressed contender!
Erica: Also, she either has the best professional care in the universe, or she is aging super-well. Her skin looks fantastic!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

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Kate: Oh, excuse me Ms. Amazing.
Erica: Really? I thought she looked good but I didn’t think she looked particularly remarkable.
Kate: Like, what does she look BAD in? (Please God let me look remotely like her in 15-20 years.)
Erica: Is she not more than 20 years older than you?
Kate: Whatever, I’ll look like her now too!

Julia Roberts

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Kate: So it’s a black strapless dress with a sparkly belt over a nice white button down, but she is Julia Roberts so who gives ONE f*ck? Not her!
Erica: Yeah. I saw this and it was like, “On anyone else, I’d hate it. On Julia Roberts? You go on with your bad self, Julia. Do you”.
Kate: Great hair, makeup and jewels, very classy.
Erica: Yeah, I loved her hair and makeup.
Julie Bowen
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Erica: Whatever. I give up.
Kate: I don’t like the sleeves, velvety top or those two colors together, but I’m happy she is wearing something different than her usual.
Erica: I know you don’t like braids, Kate, but I thought her hair looked good. I just don’t understand how a woman this pretty, this funny and this smart can continue to dress herself like this.

Kerry Washington
Globes_Kerry
Kate: For the first time in several years, Kerry Washington has failed on the red carpet. You heard it here first.
Erica: Oh, I’m more hit-or-miss with her in general. I think she looks, like, ok.
Kate: Well, it’s a nice color on her, and her face finally looks normal again (re: fuller), but she’s at that awkward stage of pregnancy where the bump is not cute but can’t be hidden, and she picked a dress that highlighted that exact fact.
Erica: Whatever, she is glowing. I also continue to be super-impressed with her whenever I see her speak in public. She always comes across as so gracious and sharp. Like, I could see her as a 1960s political wife, very proper and the perfect hostess, but with that edge that will keep her parties lively and interesting.
Lena Dunham
Globes_Lena
Kate: Hasn’t she worn this already?
Erica: I don’t know. I don’t know how to handle her style, really.
Kate: Her makeup is finally better and award show appropriate, but I am not a fan of the dress. Color yes, everything else no. And I really hate her tattoos. Call me a square, but they are just too much.
Erica: I agree. I’m a little ashamed of myself, but I agree.

Lupita Nyong’O

Globes_Lupita

Kate: Ok so this is kind of what Gwyneth Paltrow wore in white, what, last year? Two years ago?
Erica: Oh, yeah, I’d forgotten about that.
Kate: But it’s quite lovely. Although it’s a very “wow” color it looks elegant and understated on her, and she did makeup and jewelry very minimalistic, which was definitely the way to go.
Erica: Yeah, it’s pretty perfect. I think, though, we need to get rid of the “red” carpet. Do ivory or black or something. It’s too hard to see all these ladies in red.
Margot Robbie
Globes_Margot
Kate: (I really need to see The Wolf of Wall Street.) I actually think this is quite fabulous.
Erica: I do too. It’s va-va-voom but classy and she looked just great.
Kate: Not everyone can pull off the gems lining the armholes like that, and said gems really break up the ivory color nicely.
Mila Kunis
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Kate: I really like the dress except for the flower sh!t around the neckline.
Erica: Oh, yeah. And I think I’d like the transition from sparkle to no sparkle to be a little more gradual. But overall, good look.
Kate: And her hair and makeup are way too severe — lighten up, aren’t you Ashton Kutcher‘s girlfriend? That’s not too shabby.
Erica: Wow, I think we have very different ideas on what constitutes “shabby” in a boyfriend. Ashton Kutcher has always struck me as that guy at the frat house who seems cute and funny at 1 am when you’ve had a whole lot of punch, but a week later he won’t get off your couch and he still thinks pretending he’s Mario and you’re a Koopa Troopa is hilarious and you’re like, “Dude, nobody is hot enough to put up with this. Least of all you”.
Olivia Wilde 
Globes_Olivia
Kate: Ok so again with these these sequins which I am so over, and aGAIN with a bad baby bump dress! Did celebrities attend a class last week in which they were shown the ugliest possible things to wear while pregnant?
Erica: I would hate this dress with or without the baby bump.
Kate: Also, no matter how many celebrities she dates or has babies with or how many movies she stars in, I still can’t look at her without thinking of Lucas Scott.
Erica: Oh, I can. I like her, actually. But dress? Ombre hair? No. And exactly how high are those heels she’s wearing?

Paula Patton

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Kate: That’s a joke, right?
Erica: Who is this person?
Kate: I refuse to waste any more blog space on this.
Reese Witherspoon
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Kate: You know what? I don’t like this.
Erica: I knew you wouldn’t.
Kate: I don’t like saying that I don’t like it, but I just don’t. The color stinks, the shape doesn’t flatter her, and the new haircut is upsetting me very much.
Erica: I think she looks fine. That material looks a little thick.
Sandra Bullock 
Globes_Sandra
Kate: Absolute perfection, until you get to that gross blue on the bottom of the dress. So I’m just going to ignore that.
Erica: I can’t. And I didn’t like it before that. And what’s with the lipstick? I know you shouldn’t be matchy-matchy, but I’m also thinking a brick-y red with the hot pink right next to your face is a mistake?
Kate: That is the most perfect side pony I have ever seen.
Erica: Yah. That’s true.

Sofia Vergara
Globes_Sofia
Kate: Oh is Sofia Vergara wearing a strapless dress with a sweetheart neck and flared bottom, paired with a statement necklace and straight yet bouncy hair? How new and different for her!
Erica: I thought you’d be so excited that it was a princess skirt instead of a mermaid! And I like the necklace.
Kate: It actually does not look that good on her, I think it’s the skirt part that throws it off.
Erica: Well, she changed for the after party. Do you like this better?
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Kate: Actually yes, but much like how I feel about Amy Adams, I have seen way too much of this person’s boobs.

Taylor Swift

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Kate: No. Just no.
Erica: Really? I was unoffended by this. I’m not saying I like it, just that I don’t care. It’s a hell of a lot better than her after party dress.
Globes_Taylor2
Kate: I am offended by the fact that she is at every stinkin’ award show that has absolutely NOTHING to do with her — she was sitting at a table, like, dead center! What has she done to deserve that spot?
Erica: I do like her hair better there.
Tina Fey, Dress #1
GLobes_Tina1
Kate: So the dress is really fun, I like black and hot pink together. Hair is a little Palin-esque, but overall a very fun look for her. I’m happy it’s full length, she does that awkward ankle length a lot.
Erica: Well, her hair is pinned so it can easily be taken down for the show. But yeah, I like this. It’s different for her and very pretty.
Tina Fey, Dress #2
Globes_Tina2
 
Kate: Oh my god YES! Best she has ever looked at one of these things. Sexy sexy hair, perfectly styled dress. These sequins I am NOT over. Love! Best dressed nominee!
Erica: Right? Damn, girl. Also, can we talk about your waist for a second? Seriously, what are you doing to stay in that kind of shape? In between writing, performing, maintaining awesome friendships with women like Amy Poehler, carrying on a seemingly fine marriage and mothering two children? God, I suck.
Kate: Read her book and find out!
Tina Fey, Dress #3
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Kate: I like that it looks like she literally just threw her hair up in a clip without looking in a mirror.
Erica: It’s fine.
Kate: I don’t love the necklace, and after seeing several other people in that red I am kind of over it. There was just no outshining her second dress.
Erica: Yeah. For real.
Zoe Saldana
Globes_Zoe
Kate: Hot mess. It’s like Betsy Johnson and Free People had an ugly love child, and forgot to finish raising it.
Erica: It’s like you’re a high school sophomore in 1993 and this senior just asked you to prom which is in two days and you don’t have any money and everything left on the rack in that pop-up prom store in the mall by your house — the one that also has a place to sell your gold and not one but two novelty gift shops — are all hideous. But you have a spunky auntie and a needle and thread, so you negotiate with the store’s owner to get three dresses off the clearance rack for the price of one and also you’ll do inventory next week for free and then you cut up those dresses and sew them together so that you look totally unique and also like you will absolutely put out at the after party, unlike his stupid ex-girlfriend who is at the prom with his best friend.
 
Zooey Deschanel
Globes_Zooey
Kate: Well, this is pretty much very lovely. I really like the skirt.
Erica: I wouldn’t mind a more form-fitting top but it’s cute and it’s her.
Kate: The side bun is ok, but the flower isn’t necessary. And her lipstick is bordering on too dark.
Worst Dressed
 
Kate: It has to be Paula Patton, right?
Erica: I continue to not know or care who that person is.
Best Dressed
 
Kate: I have to go with my girl Tina, as I am completely in love with her after reading her book.
Erica: All right. I’m between Cate Blanchett and Julianna Margulies.
Kate: I’m ok with giving it to Julianna, then. Tune in next week for the SAGs, the week after that for the Grammys, and then you have to wait until March 3 for the Oscars!
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3 thoughts on “The Many Dresses of Tina Fey (Golden Globes 2014)

    1. Also, ya know, I don’t even have tv and never watch awards shows but I continue to read your commentaries because I love your back-and-forth, so good job guys.

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