Erica: Welcome to SAGs 2014. I have to confess, I didn’t watch, so I’m just judging the dresses on how they look in pictures. For all I know, they looked way better in motion.
Kate: I watched (on a Saturday night, what a wild life over here) and everything looks pretty much the same here as it did on screen.
Kate: Okay, so I luurrrvee the color.
Erica: Yeah. That is a GREAT color on her.
Kate: And I honestly think it would have been perfect had it been just the structured strapless thing or just the off-the-shoulder-with-a-sexy-slit thing up top, but instead it is both and therefore somewhat awful.
Erica: I don’t know, I’m kind of going for it with all of those things. I’m even not minding the belt.
Kate: Oh I’m not hating the belt. But I am hating that hair — faux bobs, puh-lease.
Erica: Yeah, I’m also going to go ahead and disagree there, too. I get that the concept of a faux bob is annoying, but if one is not thinking about the concept, the hair itself looks great.
Kate: I’ve gone back and forth on this, and I’ve decided I like it. I almost love it.
Erica: I wish I had seen this in motion, because in a still picture, I just…I’m not sure if I can fully get behind it. The color is great, the concept is interesting, but it’s really saggy in the middle, right?
Kate: Her hair and face are just effing perfect, and the color of the dress could only work on her and, like, Audrey Hepburn. I just wish that sparkly pink detail had been somewhere else other than front and center.
Erica: Yeah. Her hair and face are absolutely perfect, and I like the color. For me it’s less about the sparkly pink and more about the sag.
Kate: And not to sound like a super-@asshole, but when she was accepting her award (yay!) I noticed her earrings matched that sparkly pink detail, like, perfectly, and I didn’t like that. Corny.
Kate: Well I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything else like this on the red carpet.
Erica: Yeah…And I’m kind of digging that about it. I mean, it isn’t, like, a dress I’d dream of wearing myself. But it looks really cool.
Kate: It’s not amazing, but it’s not offensive. I’m happy she’s back to red hair, at the very least.
Erica: Yeah, her hair and makeup look much better than usual.
Kate: A vast improvement over the Globes dress, I think.
Erica: Okay, she hired a new stylist this year. I hate to say it, since I hated her more “interesting” looks in the past, but this is kind of boring. Nice, but boring.
Kate: I agree we’ve had enough of these stars wearing the same red as the carpet on which they are walking, though. And the shape is a little meh.
Erica: Also, posture!
Erica: I think you mean, BRA! Like, get one!
Kate: This fits her TERRIBLY! Oh no, she’s got to step up her red carpet game immediately. What would Khaleesi say!?
Erica: Khaleesi would say, “What the f are awards shows? And can I bring my dragons?”
Erica: Vast, vast improvement.
Kate: Again, an improvement over the Globes dress, and her hair no longer looks like a wig, but what is going on with the bottom there?
Erica: Yes, bottom should be longer.
Kate: Wait, BREAKING NEWS, she was wearing flat sandals! To an award show! OMG that is like, sooooo crazy.
Erica: I love it. Because at the Globes she took off her high-heeled Louboutins because she couldn’t walk in them. She walked on stage with them in one hand and a martini in the other. But I don’t know if they serve martinis at the SAGs. Maybe she figured she’d rather be comfy if there would be no alcohol to numb the pain.
Kate: So like, why is she there? New Girl wasn’t nominated for anything, and Zooey wasn’t there, right?
Erica: Yeah, I don’t know. At first I thought I didn’t know who she was. But then I saw a closer picture and realized I did, and she can look way more awesome than that.
Kate: Either way, it’s a little much. I love her hair and makeup and think she is generally gorgeous, but the dress is too long and shmancy for a not-that-important actress (sorry) at a not-that-important award show (sorry sorry).
Erica: I just think it doesn’t highlight how beautiful she is. And the makeup is a little too pale.
Kate: This is basically what Jiulianna Margulies wore to the Globes, which we adored, with long sleeves, no?
Kate: Well, I think I like it. I obviously like the first one better, though.
Erica: I think Helen Mirren doesn’t usually dress this much like an old lady.
Kate: We have yet another drastic improvement over the Globes dress, yes?
Erica: Yes. Certainly.
Kate: I still think she could have done better/did in fact do better last year, but she has an incredible body that looks great in this dress.
Erica: I just want us all to bear in mind for a moment that this completely frickin’ fabulous and slim body is considered “curvy” by Hollywood. And we all know in Hollywood, when they say “curvy,” they mean “kinda fat, but for some reason people in Peoria still find her sexy.” And that is super-weird.
Kate: Holy moly
Kate: I am flabbergasted by her amazingness. I mean, I know she has serious money, but I don’t think she’s had serious work done, right? She’s just that flawless?
Erica: I think she looks great. But I don’t really love the dress. I really love her hair, though.
Kate: I really love the dress. I would totes wear it.
Kate: I like the black strapless dress with the sparkly belt over a white button-down much better than this.
Kate: I’m sorry but even if you’re Julia Freakin’ Roberts, ladies of a certain age should cover up their arms. This really doesn’t flatter any part of her body, except maybe her skin tone. The pink is nice.
Erica: Oh, Kate. Her arms look fine.
Kate: Also, these are pants. Unless they are on Diane Keaton, you know how I feel about the presence of those at award shows.
Erica: They are not just pants. They are a jumpsuit. JUMPSUITS ARE NEVER APPROPRIATE, PEOPLE. NEVER, EVER, EVER. Not even when you’re Julia Roberts. Even little kids shouldn’t wear them, because the younger the kid, the fewer the obstacles should be when getting to the potty. True facts, I used to think bikinis for toddler girls were gross. Until I was potty training Zoe. Then bikinis were the best idea ever.
Erica: She’s f*cking with me.
Kate: The concept is there. I like the bottom patterns, I like the orange in contrast with the black and white, the silhouette is not bad, but something is just not working.
Erica: It’s the fact that she’s f*cking with me. That’s what’s off.
Kate: So she cut the top off Drew Barrymore’s Globes dress and added a hid-ay-ous black floofy skirt?
Erica: No, she cut off the top of something Drew Barrymore wore in Never Been Kissed.
Kate: I think this looks extraordinarily awful. Worst dressed nominee.
Erica: This is…I love her so much. I don’t..I don’t understand what happened in her brain and/or the brain of her stylist to make this ensemble appear.
Kate: I don’t want to like all that business on top, but I do.
Erica: I’m fine with liking it. The rest of the dress is so simple, it works.
Kate: The color is freakin’ stunning, especially on her dark skin. That business on top could be somewhat reduced, but overall I think she looks fantastic. Everything just fits her so WELL — she must have a tight little body under there, amazing undergarments, an excellent tailor, or all of the above. Probably all of the above.
Erica: I haven’t even seen 12 Years a Slave, but I hope her acting career continues and prospers, if only to see more of her on the red carpet. This is phenomenal.
Kate: I kind of wish she hadn’t worn this because it’s kind of potato sacky, but…
Erica: But she’s Meryl Streep and she sure as hell does not have to give a damn.
Kate: I do love that she wears her glasses to almost all award shows. I feel at my complete ugliest when I wear mine.
Erica: Aw, Kate. Your ugliest is still a lot of other people’s best day.
Kate: I love this.
Erica: Me, too.
Kate: It’s flattering and she looks like she’s straight chillin’ in it — not nominated, just presenting and hanging out with her friends whilst looking great. Yayyy Mindy!
Erica: Yeah, this is very much “Oh, this old thing? Just something I had lying around.” In the best way possible.
Kate & Erica: ANITA!!
Kate: So when I say I want to look like Julia Louis-Dreyfus at her age, I want to look like Rita Moreno at her age. Holy smokes this woman is perfect! She is 82 for crying out loud!
Erica: Seriously? Then yes, wow, she looks amazing.
Kate: Ok, the outfit. I think it’s a pretty bad-@ss jacket over an OK dress — I hope it’s long-sleeved — but overall she looks so bloody fantastic I can’t take it. Look at her SKIN! Can you EVEN?
Erica: I think the outfit is kind of dreadful, but when you have this much sass, who cares? Plus, she’s ANITA!
Kate: Damn, she is ripped. Don’t you like this much better than her Globes dress, Er?
Erica: Well, yes. Yes, I do.
Kate: I love the color and the texture of the dress, and I’d much rather see her awesome leg than Queen Slutbag Angelina’s. (So happy Brad was there without her.)
Erica: Oh for crying out loud. There is nothing wrong with Angelina. Anyway, yes, crazy good body. Good make-up, too.
Kate: I just wish she would start smiling with her teeth again. 😦
Erica: Yeah, I haven’t seen her look happy at an awards show in what feels like forever. Boo-boo, we all sometimes fall for mean, cheating Neo-Nazis. You rock so much harder than that. Cheer up!
Kate: So this is the definition of “be careful what you wish for”, because her in a non-mermaid-esque dress is not all that great. I guess she had the right idea before.
Erica: Yeah, she was pretty much wearing the thing that looked best on her.
Kate: It’s very ill-fitting in the middle, and just too much overall. Especially that matchy-matchy necklace.
Erica: Well, she’s kind of a matchy-matchy person.
Kate: Also, she’s seriously getting too skinny. Also also, I want her to go back to her naturally(?) darker hair.
Erica: I think she actually is that skinny; it’s just that when a dress or a particular photo doesn’t highlight her massive boobs, it’s more obvious.
Kate: My new obsession with her is probably clouding my judgment a little, but I think this looks great on her. And there is nothing more precious than her bringing her daughter, Alice, as her date, who is so adorably excited and matching her mommy.
Erica: Best accessory of the night!
Kate: Ok so, best dressed?
Erica: I’m thinking Lupita. You?
Kate: I’m comfortable with that. Worst dressed is Kerry Washington no question, yes?
Erica: Yeah. I mean, I love her. I love her so much. I think she’s fabulous. I just don’t understand what happened here.
Kate: Ok folks, tune in next week for the Grammys, where things will probably get a little weird (ahem, Rihanna, Gaga, etc.)!
Erica: Weird is my favorite flavor!