Odd Shapes (Oscars 2014)

Erica: First, Kate and I would like to share this with you:

Oscar Dresses

Kate: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Oscars! Fashion! Oscars! Weeeeeeeeeeee!

Erica: You’re welcome. Now on to this year’s glamorous ladies!

Amy Adams

Oscars_Amy

Kate: Does she, like, actively seek out dresses that make her boobs look oddly shaped?

Erica: Really? I thought we were going to appreciate that it wasn’t another knock-off of her American Hustle wardrobe.

Kate: I think the dress is actually fine, except the boob thing and half-peplum and the fact that she wore blue to the SAGs; it’s the hair that’s seriously throwing me off. I wore my hair like that to a bat mitzvah when I was 12, and it looked as ridiculous on me then as it does on her now. Meh!!

Erica: She’s so lovely, though. And I love that color on her, no matter how often she’s worn it.

Angelina Jolie

Oscars_Angelina

Erica: Meh.

Kate: Um, this is ok. Who’s next?

Anna Kendrick

Oscars_Anna

Kate: Va va VOOM!

Erica: Yeah?

Kate: I don’t know that the dress needed that middle thing with the red things, or the complicated straps in the back, but I really like the top part. Hair and makeup = FAB.

Erica: I dunno, I wasn’t thrilled with any of this. I am generally thrilled with Anna Kendrick as an actress and singer but this look did nothing for me. Except maybe the shoes.

Anne Hathaway

Oscars_Anne

Kate: I don’t love that neck, and I’m back and forth about the studded top, but I think overall she looks stunning because she is a stunning individual.

Erica: Bra.

Cate Blanchett

Oscars_Cate

Kate: So I feel like I said this about her Globes dress, but I wish it had less going on on top. Other than that it is very fabulous and very Cate.

Erica: I think the whole thing is just luscious perfection as is the lady herself.

Kate: But do we think she needed such extravagant earrings given everything going on on the dress itself? And do we also think her hair should have been worn up so that all focus was on the dress?

Erica: I think you’re right about the earrings but wrong about the hair.

Charlize Theron

Oscars_Charlize

Erica: On the telecast I liked this a lot. Now I’m seeing the bottom and I don’t love it quite as much.

Kate: Loooooooooooovvvveeeee.

Erica: I mean, she still looks fabulous.

Kate: I think black looks quite exceptional on blonds, I really do. I could do without that necklace (which looks like it matches Cate’s earrings, no?), but everything else is wonderful. Best dressed nominee.

Erica: I thought the necklace struck the right note.

Emma Watson

Oscars_Emma

Kate: She looks a bit of a hot mess, I think.

Erica: I really did not dig her hair at all. The dress is…I don’t know. I don’t like it but I can’t work up enough passion about it to hate it.

Kate: The bottom half is nice, but the top is too casual — like something I’d wear to work. And she has not washed her hair recently, that much is certain.

Idina Menzel

Oscars_Idina

Kate: Oh, boo.

Erica: Yeah.

Kate: I expected more from her. This is too standard. And the necklace is way too bling for such a muted dark green.

Erica: I mean the dress is kind of nice, if boring, but the color is just sucking the life out of the room.

Kate: And I prefer her hair wavy. She looked way better during her performance, albeit very nervous:

Oscars_Idina2

Erica: Totes. Also, I felt like something was very weird with the sound mixing when she sang “Let It Go” and made her sound like less than the national treasure she actually is.

Jennifer Garner

Oscars_JenG

Kate: Love the grey. Don’t love the tiered fringe. Love the hair.

Erica: Really don’t love the fringe, and those shoes don’t work.

Kate: I do like that this is a little looser/more daring than her usual red carpet looks, though.

Erica: She is also just so cute. She has that face so I guess whatever she wears is kind of fine.

Jennifer Lawrence

Oscars_JenL

Kate: I am disappointed in this for three reasons. Can you guess them?

Erica: 1) PEPLUM!!! 2) Peplum! 3) Peplum!!

Kate: 1) Peplum — enough said. 2) Red — she wore red to her first Oscars. 3) The necklace — she did the long necklace draping down her back last year! Come on, Jen!

Erica: Oh, lord. I love the necklace draping down the back! If they like a color/style/whatever, why can’t they wear it more than once?

Kate: BUT, her makeup looks ex-quis-ite.

Jessica Biel

Oscars_Jessica

Kate: Boring. Where’s Justin? Why is she there?

Erica: This is my thing with Jessica Biel. Whenever I’m actually looking at her face, I think she’s quite lovely. But the minute I’m not looking at her anymore, I can barely remember what she looks like.

Kate: I’m not a fan of these short, almost choker-length necklaces with strapless gowns. Not flattering, girls!

Erica: I just think it’s overall boring. Her hair and makeup look lovely, though.

Julia Roberts

Oscars_Julia

Erica: Julia Roberts is reaching that stage of stardom where, whatever. She’s Julia Roberts. She can wear whatever she wants.

Kate: LOOOOOVVVVEEEE!!!

Erica: Even with the peplum?

Kate: This may be the only peplum in the world I actually sort of like, and I truly love the black lace on my girl Julia. Best dressed nominee.

Erica: I still don’t like the peplum but I really love the top and I like her hair and make-up and also her overall aura of “I’m Julia Roberts. I can enjoy this without particularly giving a shit anymore.”

Kate Hudson

Oscars_Kate

Kate: Oh my.

Erica: Yeah?

Kate: I absolutely adore this. If I could make one change it would be to eliminate the droopy half-cape thing, but other than that she is perfection. Another best dressed nominee!

Erica: Really? I only really like the cape thing.

Kerry Washington

Oscars_Kerry

Erica: Better than her other pregnancy efforts.

Kate:  I would very much like for Olivia Wilde (see below) to give Kerry a call and explain how one should dress when one has a medium-to-large pregnancy bump.

Erica: I think this is okay.

Kate: It’s a very nice color, but the shape is potato sack-y, and the bottom is wrinkled. Did we learn nothing from Helen Hunt’s H&M dress last year? And don’t even get me started on that dark lipstick.

Erica: Yeah, the lipstick is a misstep. I’m not 100% against the concept of dark lipstick like you are (although I can’t think of a specific instance where I liked it) but it doesn’t really look good on her or with this dress. And you are right about the wrinkliness. Maybe it happened in the car on the way over?

Kristin Bell

Oscars_KristinB

Erica: Yawn. Well, the bottom has some cool stuff going on, but mostly yawn.

Kate: I really don’t love this. Poopy color (not literally), unimpressive necklace, blah hair. But I cannot WAIT for the Veronica Mars movie!

Erica: ME NEITHER! I’ve been re-watching on Amazon Prime to get myself back in Veronica Mars mode and oh boy I forgot how much I LOVED that show!

Kristin Chenoweth

86th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Kate: I love the short hair!

Erica: She is such a tiny little pocket-sized person.

Kate: I also love the structured top of the dress — only people that tiny can pull it off — but overall it looks a bit too much like an actual Oscar. Too many people have been trying to do that lately.

Erica: I think she might have actively been trying to look like an Oscar.

Lupita Nyong’O

Oscars_Lupita

Kate: Alas, her Globes and SAGs red carpet success was too good to be true.

Erica: For real, Kate? For real?

Kate: First of all, the headband. I won’t even elaborate, because you and everyone else know exactly how I feel about that. Second of all, the color. BORING! Of all people there this year, she could have pulled off some ridiculously bold and bright colors; baby blue was a weak, weak choice.

Erica: I thought she looked absolutely, stunningly beautiful. So she went with a softer color. It still looks fantastic on her. I don’t love the headband, true. But I loved the earrings. And she gave such a beautiful speech, too. I almost cried.

Kate: I will give her this — the silhouette and material are extremely lovely, and I am a fan of the subtle sparkle.

Meryl Streep

Oscars_Meryl

Erica: So, first of all, when I first saw this picture, I was convinced she was holding her shoes in her right hand. Which would have been hilarious.

Kate: I do not love this dress, or her hair and makeup. I don’t think I care that I don’t like it, though, if that makes sense?

Erica: It makes total sense. She’s Meryl Streep. She’s the absolute queen of I-Don’t-Have-To-Give-A-F*ck-Anymore.

Naomi Watts

Oscars_Naomi

Kate: White is so last year.

Erica: Bra.

Kate: I don’t like the texture or the short sleeves, I cannot stand that partially-slicked-back hair thing, and the spider web necklace is complete overkill.

Olivia Wilde

Oscars_Olivia

Kate: Soooo like, pregnancy has made her hotter, yes?

Erica: I feel like something weird is going on on her face.

Kate: Yea, pregnancy weight/glow. I would normally admonish someone for a sleeveless turtleneck on the red carpet, but in black and on her it actually looks fantastic. The little splash of white in the back is very Julia Roberts the year she won for Erin Brockovich, in a good way.

Erica: Yeah, okay.

Kate: Also, is that not the most perfect messy up-do you’ve ever seen?

Erica: Yeah, okay. I guess. I’m bored.

Penelope Cruz

Oscars_Penelope

Kate: Not a fan.

Erica: Continuing to be bored out of my mind.

Kate: I’m changing “not a fan” to “I hate this”. The black ribbon belt? Ew. The hair? Double ew. The droopy sleeve thing? No. Also, is it not sort of the same dress as Matthew McConaughey’s wife’s?

Erica: Maybe. Because they’re all boring now.

Portia de Rossi 

Oscars_Portia

Kate: Lovely dress, but I’m not sure why she has adopted the same hairstyle as her wife.

Erica: What is her thing with macramé?

Kate: By the way, has something awful happened to her? She kept making this face like she was in a great deal of pain emotionally and physically.

Erica: Are she and Ellen in trouble?! Say it ain’t so, Gods of Love and Romance and Constancy!

Sally Hawkins

Oscars_Sally

Kate: Oh God no.

Erica: I don’t know who this person is. I kept wondering why Carly Rae Jepson was there.

Kate: She was in Blue Jasmine. But like, did a middle schooler do her hair? And did she get that dress from the second-hand store a few doors down from my apartment?

Erica: Yes to both.

Kate: At least she sort of coordinates with Cate.

Erica: No. No points for her.

Sandra Bullock

Oscars_Sandra

Kate: Frigging fanTASTIC.

Erica: Her hair is really the best it’s ever looked. And it’s looked damn good before.

Kate: Absolutely love it — hair down and wavy, and a hint of a real smile. Best dressed winner!

Erica: Me, I think I vote for Cate Blanchett. But next year I need someone to wear a bedazzled, three-foot-high headdress or a swan. I’m so bored.

Kate: Worst dressed?

Erica: I don’t know. How do you pick “worst” when the worst crimes were just being boring?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s