Kate: I feel like this may be a bit prejudiced, but I care a wee bit less about the Grammys than other award shows.
Erica: It is the awards show where I go, “Who is this person?” more than any other.
Kate: I do a much better job of keeping up with movies and TV than music — I don’t even know what the kids listen to these days. I took a look-see at the nominees while writing this post, though, and I hope Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran win absolutely everything because I a) actually know who they are and b) like their music very much. I also miss Adele.
Erica: Oh, Adele always dresses so pretty, too.
Erica: She most certainly is.
Kate: I have to say I’m a little over the suits-on-ladies red carpet trend, but she looks GORGEOUS. I love her hair like that. I want mine to look like that. Best dressed nominee!
Erica: I am always in favor of suits on the red carpet when they look this good. She really looks amazing.
Kate: So does her hair just not do ANYTHING else?
Erica: I actually just saw one of those listicle things that showed her hair when she first was doing whatever it was she was doing — she’s another Disney Channel refugee, right? — and it was, you know, different. But this has been her look for a while now. I mean, she looks pretty. I don’t know if it’s just her face or she’s affecting that sexy-baby look all the time. It’s a little annoying.
Kate: I don’t think she’s Disney. She looks lovely, but I don’t love the asymmetricalness of the dress. That silver fabric looks like it’s stuck to the white dress because of static cling, or something.
Erica: I am not a fan of the dress, really.
Kate: What was even the point of her arriving in that dress? Her performance dress is gorgeous, much better. I kind of want it.
Erica: Oh, yeah, I like those kinds of dresses on you. And it is gorgeous, and it’s not really different enough from the red carpet dress to warrant changing, you know? I mean, it’s different, obviously, but a similar shape and overall look.
Kate: I’m not even saying this because I’m a Beyonce hater, but she doesn’t look that good.
Erica: Are you a Beyonce hater? I am not particularly a Beyonce hater — I’m not a fan, but I respect and admire her talent, her self-control and her business acumen. I’m not loving this, though.
Kate: I am 100% a hater. Her hair is too long and flat, her makeup looks barely done and she has definitely already worn this dress or 20 others just like it. OVER YOU, BEYONCE!
Erica: The dress is nice but nothing special, the hair could be better, and yeah, the makeup is practically nonexistent. But also — every picture I of her is of her standing like this. Are her hips in danger of falling off if she doesn’t hold them in place? Is there something wrong with her elbows and she needs to keep them in exactly that position for the rest of forever? What’s going on, Bey?
Kate: Do we even have to discuss this one?
Erica: Ah, it’s my first “Who the f is this?” of the evening!
Kate: She sings songs that are currently popular, I think. This COULD work if the suit weren’t so effing wrinkled and ill-fitting, and if the bow tie weren’t such a vomity shade of pink, and if the fur were a) clean and b) more of a contrast to the suit. But all of that awfulness with that gross hair gross makeup and even grosser attitude? No thank you. (Unfortunately, I do like the shoes. If only her toes weren’t STICKING OUT OVER THEM!)
Erica: I would just lose the fur entirely, iron the suit, and then I think you’ve got something. Something a little whacky, a little off, but I like whacky and off at the Grammys. The hair, yes, the hair needs improvement. By which I mean shampoo.
Kate: I don’t understand why Ciara is all of a sudden a fashion person — she hasn’t had a popular song since I was in high school, and she didn’t dress all that well then.
Erica: Wait, before we discuss the dress, can we discuss her arms and shoulders for a minute? Because holy hell, woman. You look good.
Kate: Ya. This is pretty but way too over-the-top couture for the Grammys, for someone not even nominated. I would rather see Beyonce in this, even though I am a Beyonce hater.
Erica: See, I love over-the-top couture for the Grammys. And I like this and I think it looks awesome in it. And okay, yes, this is a lot of look for someone who’s not even nominated, but hey, why not look awe-inspiring anyway?
Kate: What DOES she do to her face? She keeps getting prettier!
Erica: I am feeling so many things right now. Things I can’t seem to put in order.
Kate: I do not like the pants, or pantsuit, whatever it is, but I like the top of it a lot. And I love her makeup. I feel like her hair always looks like that, so that’s fine.
Erica: I don’t mean to love this. It is a jumpsuit. A capri jumpsuit. With that awkward bagginess in the hips, thighs, crotch area. As I am typing this, I recognize that these things should be vomitous. And yet…and yet. I think I love it. I think it may be the Platonic ideal of Gwen Stefani Grammy outfits. I don’t know what’s happening to me right now. I’m having some sort of existential crisis.
Erica: I know who she is. And I’m not a big fan. And do we think her face doesn’t look quite human? Is it the makeup? Because she looks like what would happen if an alien tried to disguise itself as human and got it almost right. She is the personification of the Uncanny Valley.
Kate: I absolutely hate her hair. Really, I wish she had shaved it all off rather than done that awful braid crown thing. The dress, however, is excellent.
Erica: It is a cool dress.
Kate: It flatters her body incredibly, and I adore that color. (Have I said that enough this award show season?) It could have been a tad longer since she’s so tall and it has that mesh part on the bottom, but overall a great dress. Also, I like the very natural (but tan) makeup. Not alien-y to me.
Kate: Remember when Jennifer Hudson was, like, THE highlight on all red carpets at all award shows for a couple of years?
Erica: Yeah, those were good times.
Kate: Unfortunately, this is way too casual. I like her edgier hair and makeup, I am even mostly ok with the choker necklace, but I really don’t like the dress. It doesn’t even look like a well-made too-casual dress.
Erica: I think she looks nice, if not remarkable. The dress is a good silhouette for her and I like her hair short. She could use a better bra.
Kate: I am not a fan of the slicked back hair, but this is a great Grammys dress — elegant with a little edge. Her performance dress was alarmingly similar; like, why bother with both?
Erica: This is pretty much the perfect Grammy dress. Glamourous and flashy and a bit edgy. The hair is a mistake and this picture makes her look like the joker. Also, is she wearing those talon-esque nails? A lot of them were, weren’t they? I hate those nails.
Kate: Hmmm…I like the color, but it’s overall a liiiiiittle too cheap prom for me.
Erica: I loathe the dress.
Kate: Also do not like the hair at all. And are the things in the middle of the cleavage gold or bronze and her earrings are silver? Come on.
Erica: Yeah, come on, Katharine McPhee. You cannot act to save your life, but you are a very pretty girl and you can sing very well. Do better.
Kate: She is actually an extremely pretty girl, and I always want her to wear something a little weird that is still stunning. This dress is not that — the length paired with the shoes is not at all flattering. Maybe if it were more of a sleeveless sweeping ballgown, in that same material/color? AND THE BELT. DAMMIT WITH THE BELT.
Erica: Maybe. I feel like she makes a lot of choices that are weirdly old-lady-ish. She is very pretty, though.
Kate: The hairstyle is nice, if not a little casual, but the color? Come on. I don’t like it on Kelly Osbourne, I sure as heck don’t like it on Katy Perry. Fab makeup though.
Erica: I hate that the hair color has those black roots, like, on purpose.
Kate: Actually, it must have been a wig, because she had very slicked-back black hair for her performance.
Erica: I kind of thought her performance ensemble was cool.
Kate: I thought it was a great performance — no bells and whistles, just singing. Yay Katy!
Kate: If everyone were allowed to kill one celebrity, I might choose Kim Kardashian. Or her mom, or her sister (Khloe). Truly some of the worst possible human beings on the planet.
Erica: I do not feel the rage you feel towards her. Probably because I’ve never seen her show so I don’t actually know how terrible a person she is.
Kate: She looks absolutely ridiculous. Worst dressed nominee.
Erica: Look, Kim, you wanted sexy bathrobe, but you missed it. You missed it because of those stupid pockets and the overall shapelessness and the fact that your hair looks like you might actually have recently gotten out of the shower and your makeup isn’t really helping that impression at all. But mostly you missed because J. Lo already did sexy bathrobe. She did it 15 years ago and she did it way, way better than you.
Kate: KIM ALWAYS TRIES TO DO SEXY BATHROBE AND SHE LOOKS HORRIBLE EVERY TIME! GRRRR!
Erica: To my friends — yes, that was 15 years ago. Yes, we are very, very old now. Sorry.
Kate: I miss when the Grammys were all about Gaga — what creature/machine she was going to ride in on, what type of edible product she would decorate her body with, what mindf*ck of a performance she would deliver. Did she simply just out-crazy herself?
Erica: What is happening with her face?
Kate: This is crazy in that it is so normal (for her). Probably a little too sexy, and it doesn’t need the necklace or the matching green earrings. I think I am most alarmed by the normalness of her hair.
Erica: No but what is happening to her face? This looks like a drag performer doing Lady Gaga.
Kate: Also, are she and Tony Bennett sleeping together? Very touchy-feely during their pre-show interview and during their performance.
Erica: Ew, Kate. How am I supposed to sleep with that image in my head?
Kate: Oy vey.
Erica: Whatever. I love it.
Kate: I’m ashamed to call her my neighbor.
Erica: It is very much not boring. You go on with your crazypants self, Madonna. You are welcome on any red carpet I’m looking at.
Kate: But it was uncomfortable to watch her perform. She looked like she was about to fall over any second.
Kate: I have obviously heard her quite catchy “All About That Bass” song, but I always thought it was by a non-white girl, so whenever anyone said “Meghan Trainor”, I pictured Megan McCain, as in Senator McCain’s daughter. So there’s that.
Erica: Really? You’d never seen the video? Or heard one of her complaints about the song, that a white girl claiming to be the one who was “bringing booty back” was a bit appropriative?
Kate: Nope. And this dress is horrible.
Erica: It looks like a less attractive version of the on Jessie J is wearing.
Erica: I kind of think this is perfect for her.
Kate: She looks a hair classier than usual, but the dress could do with, like, 4-6 fewer cutouts.
Erica: You know, it’s the Grammys. The dress is totally Grammys appropriate and I like that it’s simple and that she kept the hair and makeup and jewelry simple and just kept the point of interest the insane amount of cuts.
Kate: I would have liked it more with better makeup. She’s still a bag of trash.
Erica: Kate! That isn’t nice! And she isn’t a bag of trash! I really think something happens to the girls who go through the Disney mill. That is not a healthy place to be.
Kate: She brags about doing drugs and Instagrams naked pictures of herself in the tub. Trash.
Kate: I like how her lipstick coordinates with those pink straps, but other than that this falls a little flat for me.
Erica: It’s her hair. That’s what’s falling flat.
Kate: I like her hair short, but the style itself is too casual for a red carpet, even if it is “just” the Grammys.
Erica: Well, her husband wore blue jeans.
Kate: Don’t even.
Kate: I am not a Nicki Minaj fan — personality or music — and I usually hate her red carpet fashion. I’ve always felt like she’s a lesser version of the old Gaga. She has, however, toned it down lately, as is evident here, and I really don’t hate this dress. Her boobs and butt are OUT of control, but I really don’t hate this dress. (This is about as positive as I can get about her.)
Erica: There is something about her I find appealing. I don’t know why. This dress is not awesome, but I don’t hate it either.
Kate: Another SMOKIN’!
Erica: Yeah, she’s looking pretty good.
Kate: I normally don’t like anything resembling a turtleneck on the red carpet, but somehow it works on Nicole. I love the dress and her shorter sleeker hair, and I fully acknowledge that on anyone else I would say this dress is too casual, but…Best dressed nominee!
Erica: She’s nominated? Oh, wait, you’re saying, she’s a nominee for Best Dressed. I get it.
Erica: That is a whole thing unto itself.
Kate: Borrowing from my friends’ group text message: “Rihanna looks like a froofy cupcake.” And not in a good way, because we like cupcakes in that group of friends.
Erica: Hey, I’m not bored. And maybe we’ve been doing this for too long but Not Bored is very big with me these days.
Kate: This monstrosity took up about three seats during the show. I hope E! Fashion Police rips her a new one with this.
Erica: She didn’t show up with that dreadful accessory on her arm, so I’m happy.
Kate: He was there, though, and nominated, and there was a lot of talk/singing about domestic violence.
Kate: You know something, if her white-blond bob with blunt bangs were not so extremely exaggerated, I might love this outfit. Even with the pants.
Erica: I couldn’t find any pics without the sidekick.
Kate: I’m just not sure why she did this — does she have that Daft Punk thing where she doesn’t want to show her face?
Erica: I don’t think so? Don’t you see her face in music videos and the like? Anyway, I do actually kind of like the cape thing and it looks appropriate with that length of pant even though I do not favor formal capris and the shoes are great and…You know what, I’m even going to be in favor of the crazy hair. It’s a look. It’s an outlandish look, but it’s the Grammys. Why not be outlandish?
Kate: I have confirmed that she does in fact have the Daft Punk thing where she doesn’t like showing her face. She didn’t show it during her performance, either.
Kate: I absolutely love the pop of purple on the shoes — like, really love. I want them. I don’t not love the dress, but the short part is just a little too short, and the earrings are too matchy-matchy.
Erica: I see what you mean about the earrings, and I’m not loving the structure of the top. I do flipping love the color, and I agree with you 100% on the shoes. That purple is everything.
Kate: The dress did not need the extra straps, but that’s Elie Saab’s fault, not Taylor’s.
Erica: I think the straps look fine. It’s the neck and the lack of any femininity to the top that I’m not super-loving. But I think we are being nit-picky because Taylor’s red carpet game is always on fleek. (Can you tell I learned new slang this week?)
Kate: I do not know what fleek means.
Kate: She is a very pretty person. I usually don’t like the darker purple lipsticks, but it works with her skin and hair. Right?
Erica: I also do not know this person. And I’m not loving the lipstick, not so much because it’s dark purple, but because of the dark liner-lighter lipstick look that I thought had gone quietly into that good night in the late 90s.
Kate: The dress is a little curtain-esque, but I think it would be pretty great if the one sleeve were shorter.
Erica: Yeah, I kind of weirdly like it, even if it does look like she just wrapped a piece of fabric around herself and tied it with a matching belt.
Kate: So, best dressed?!
Erica: Oh boy. See. The person who popped to my head first was (sigh) Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani in a capri jumpsuit with baggy crotch! But there it is. That’s who I liked the best tonight. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My saner self would go Anna Kendrick.
Kate: Then let’s go with Anna! I am ok with Gwen as runner-up. Worst dressed, also worst human?
Erica: I’m guessing the answer is Kim Kardashian?
Kate: CORRECT! Ok people, the next time you hear from us will be the morning after the mother of all red carpets, the award show we wait all year for, say it with me Er!
Both: THE OSCARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!