Night of the Slit (SAG Awards 2016)

Kate: Gosh I love award show season.

Erica: So here’s what happened for me. I actually remembered to record the SAGs AND I recorded the red carpet coverage on E!, which is a totally different channel than the one airing the actual awards, but I still found the red carpet coverage and recorded it. I was very proud of myself. I knew I wasn’t going to watch it because we were going out to dinner and then I had to work the next morning, so I figured I’d get to this Sunday afternoon. Then I couldn’t sleep. I woke up at around 2:00 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep, so at 3:00 a.m. I said, “F*ck it, what else should I do?” Then I realized that a) covering SAG fashion was a perfect 3 am.. activity, and b) if I wasn’t sleeping now I was going to need to in the afternoon anyway. So I got my iPad, on which I can stream Tivo, and I sat down at my computer, and I discovered I can only stream Tivo from the downstairs TV. Not the bedroom. So I’m sitting here looking at the arrivals photos on Getty Images as usual instead of viewing the telecast WHICH I EVEN RECORDED AND EVERYTHING. This is the story of my life.

Kate: That sounds extremely complicated. I always forget that the SAGs cover TV, too.

Erica: Anyway, here’s who I’m seeing.

Amy Poehler

SAGs Amy

Kate: Dark-haired Amy! Dark-haired Amy!

Erica: Ooh, I do like the hair color.

Kate: My love for her/Parks and Rec exceeds my ability to judge of her fashion choices. Black is always a safe bet, I don’t like those pointy strapless things on anyone, but overall quite elegant.

Erica: The dress is fine. It’s not going to, like, change the face of fashion, but she looks fine.

Anna Chlumsky

SAGs Anna C

Kate: YEESH that hair!

Erica: It’s hard to see in full-body pics, but she did this weird sculpty thing with the baby hairs around her forehead. I don’t understand fully what that’s about. I know it’s a thing in “chola” fashion, but a) that’s not how the chola girls do it, and b) nothing else about the look would indicate that that’s what she was going for. (Also I think I might be too white to use the word chola.)

Kate: It’s just awful! The dress is ok — black satin is a harsh look on her, and the hem is a mess — but it’s hard to look at anything but that hair. Scary.

Anna Faris

SAGs Anna F

Kate: This is kind of fabulous in a Space Age kind of way, no?

Erica: I would like to note that the slit is going to be very big this evening.

Kate: Isn’t it always?

Erica: I think I like it. I didn’t at first but it’s growing on me. I like the structured look of the top. The material looks really elegant. I think she accessorized subtly and well. It doesn’t feel as bubbly as she usually is, but I’m going to come out in favor of this one.

Kate: Me too, even though it combines two elements I hate: mock turtleneck, short sleeves. LOVE the back!

SAGs Anna F back

Ariel Winter

SAGs Ariel

Kate: Taking some style tips from castmate Sofia Vergara with that mermaid bottom, are we Ariel?

Erica: I don’t know that Sofia Vergara can actually claim ownership of the mermaid dress.

Kate: She looks fab — mostly because she has a fab body — but her hair is a little TOO black (and too Kardashian, to be honest). Great makeup.

Erica: She really did become all kinds of curvy. But yes, hair is too harsh. It is possible the Kardashians are more her style role models that Sofia.

Kate: It’s a sad, sad world.

Brie Larson

SAGs Brie

Erica: She’s in Room, right?

Kate: Yes.

Erica: Not seeing that. No way, no how. My book club is considering reading an Oscar-nominated novel, but when we were reading the list, I gave a hard pass to Room. Well, I think what happened is I just started shaking my head spasmodically.

Kate: I thought you did read the book and are just refusing to see the movie?

Erica: I did read the book. I don’t want to so much as skim over it again, and I really don’t want to sit at a table with a bunch of other women in a public place and TALK about it. That would be awful.

Kate: I now feel like I should see the movie, as part of my quest.

Erica: Anyway, this dress, I think I almost really like it. I really like the color. The drape is really great on her. I like the weird things happening around the neck. It’s just that the ties are kind of stupid-looking and the slit is a little too aggressive for the rest of the dress. There should be more drapeyness involved there. It lacks subtlety.

Kate: It’s really hard to wear any type of light blue on the red carpet, but that insanely perfect tan she has makes it work. The color, that is. The dress, though — WHAT are the stupid knots all over and WHAT is that orange seat belt-looking thing in the back?! Did the designer run out of blue material?

SAGs Brie back

Erica: Ooh, wait, I didn’t see that. That is awful. That is so disappointing. Now I don’t like this dress at all anymore.

Kate: I am also having a problem with her hair, which is actually a glorified Topsy Tail. Remember Topsy Tails?

Erica: Not until you just said it right now but OMG yes. It does look like that.

Kate: She looks very pretty because she is very pretty, I am just not feeling all the different elements of the dress (and hair). I do, however, really like the red-orange lip.

Christina Hendricks

SAGs Christina

Erica: You’ve seen the Veronica Mars movie, right?

Kate: No not yet because you betrayed me and watched it without me!

Erica: Sorry. Go watch it right now so you can understand this quote. She should wear this, and only this, forever.

Kate: She has such a perfect freaking face and perfect freaking hair. Very Adele-like makeup around the eyes.

Erica: Yes. And hair that Adele would like to achieve, but has to go to sculpted to actually get there.

Kate: I want to like the dress, but I don’t. It’s not the light color against her light skin, and it’s not the pattern; it’s the material, which looks ill-fitting on her, AND it’s that damn one-shoulder bow — didn’t we get rid of that after Charlize Theron’s Oscar dress disaster? — AND it’s the bustle in the back, which is too Cinderella-evil-stepsisters.

Erica: No I don’t care, it’s so Hollywood 1950s glam and I love it. She can wear it because she has a Hollywood 1950s glam body. Charlize has a 2000s body.

Christina Ricci

SAGs Christina R

Kate: My twin!

Erica: She looks less like your twin with the blond hair.

Kate: I don’t love her with blond hair, especially paired with such harshly dark makeup. I swear to god we’ve seen this dress before. On Cate Blanchett, maybe? Claire Danes?

Erica: I’m thinking Jessica Alba.

Kate: It looks great on her, we’ve just seen it before, of that I am sure. It would probably only work on a really petite frame like hers. The whole look does not offend me in terms of people telling me I look like her.

Erica: Eh, I don’t love it. It looks to me like someone couldn’t decide if they were designing athletic wear, a nightgown, or a fancy dress. And I don’t like the blond hair.

Claire Danes

SAGs Claire

Kate: I love when Angela wears her hair like that. Her skin/makeup looks very fresh and sun-kissed and natural.

Erica: I can’t believe how good she looks. She is still super-skinny, but this dress does not make her look skeletal, and she’s actually smiling!

Kate: I don’t love the two-tonedness of the dress, but yes the silhouette looks amazing on her lanky frame and honestly probably wouldn’t work on anyone else.

Ellie Kemper

SAGs Ellie

Kate: Kimmy! When are we getting a season 2?!

Erica: Ooh, I don’t think we’ve talked about it since I watched it, too! I thought it was great! And it can’t be that expensive to produce; I’m sure we’ll get a new season soon.

Kate: I absolutely love her hair and makeup — I’m digging these short bobs, ladies — and I love the TOP of the dress. If only the top continued through the bottom, instead of that picture from a ninth grade biology textbook. That’s what that is on the bottom, right?

Erica: How would I know? I couldn’t really remember what was in my ninth grade biology textbook when I was in ninth grade.

Kate: On second thought, I may not like it if the top continued through the bottom because I don’t know if I like her in all black. Now I’m just confused.

Erica: It’s a confusing dress. She’s a fabulous person, though!

Kate: Totes.

Emilia Clarke

SAGs Emilia

Kate: Luuuuuurrrrvveeee her hair and makeup, and the color of the dress, and the top/neckline of the dress. If only the bottom were more sleek and columny rather than poofy, then it’d be perfect/Best Dressed Nominee.

Erica: This is very, very different from her. I like it a lot but I kind of couldn’t tell who she was until I looked at the captions on the photos.

Kate: It does look like something unnatural has happened to her face.

Eva Longoria

SAGs Eva

Erica: So tell us everything about how utterly charming and delightful she is in person.

Kate: I actually didn’t see her at WWHL, I saw Khloe Kardashian.

Erica: Oh! I thought you were seeing her. That’s disappointing. I do not love this dress, I must say. I don’t love the color, and I feel like its va-va-voom qualities are not played off with panache. By the dress, I mean, not by Eva herself, who is 100% panache 100% of the time.

Kate: Yea, I don’t love the long sleeves, or all the other nonsense going on all over the dress — sequins, see-through, sequins, see-through. You are correct in that the hunter green color is gross.  

Erica: Also, her hair is a little too slicked and with the color of the dress, it’s sort of sea-creature-risen-from-the-deep.

Kate: As Mom would say, she looks like a drowning victim. I HATE slicked back hair on the sides/behind the ears.

Helen Mirren

SAGs Helen

Erica: Let’s just give her all the prizes forever.

Kate: Literally, yes.

January Jones

SAGs January

Erica: I just don’t even with her. How do you, January Jones, very tiny human being, find a dress that makes you look thick? And, you know, I’m not necessarily against dresses that look sort of like you wrapped a sheet around yourself, but…This really looks like you wrapped a sheet around yourself. The sleeves, in particular, look like the designer just went, “Ah, f*ck it.” And also, if you’re going to wrap a sheet around yourself, maybe don’t do platforms?

Kate: Oh my god, I didn’t even know this was her. I saw this dress start coming down the red carpet and had no idea who it was, so I ignored it. Yikes!

Erica: I do like the bracelets. And I really like the smiling like she’s happy to be there. Although maybe the smile is about, “This is finally, FINALLY, my very last appearance as concerns Betty Draper! FREEDOM!!!”

Kate: But she looks thicker in the face, too, so maybe she just IS thicker? Not that there’s anything wrong with that?

Erica: Okay, then that dress is not flattering to her new curves. There’s nothing wrong with getting thicker/being thick if you dress for it.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

SAGs Julia

Kate: I really like that she went with a pattern because she usually does solid white or solid black, and her hair is effing perfect, but the bottom of the dress is awful. Very awkward length. I also don’t like the necklace, but I never like short necklaces with strapless gowns.

Erica: This is a very different look for her. More girlish. I like it. I think she’s pulling it off well.

Kate: No, you’re wrong, it’s bad. If the dress were T-length and the skirt started poofing out from the waist, and the pattern also started fading out there, it’d be adorable, but probably not appropriate for the SAGs.

Erica: But most importantly, did you see the purse?

SAGs Julia purse

Kate: I saw her post that on Instagram and thought it was some kind of centerpiece on the table. Alas, it’s her purse.

Julianna Marguiles

SAGs Julianna

Erica: I don’t think much one way or the other about the dress. I just always see her and go, “Oh, yeah, I should binge-watch “The Good Wife” sometime!”

Kate: She has the slicked-back-behind-the-ears hair too! WTF, ladies?

Erica: She’s awfully narrow, isn’t she?

Kate: Always. I like the dress, but think it’d be better as a strapless. With her hair all the way up, and a little loose.

Julianne Moore

SAGs Julianne

Erica: You know, she’s a talented and amazing enough person to do the “F*ck it” thing like Meryl Streep. Instead she chooses to wear hideous things like this. There is a sharp distinction between “F*ck it” and “No, I actually think this looks super glamorous and good.” It does not, Julianne. It does not.

Kate: Does her stylist not allow her to wear anything BUT sequins? Also, what color is this, yellow? Green? Both? Please advise.

Erica: This color is Big Bag of Nope.

Kaley Cuoco

SAGs Kaley

Erica: This is a person who never looks the same twice. Like, I find her utterly unrecognizable every single time I see her on the red carpet.

Kate: Is she, like, known in Hollywood to be completely nuts? I just watched her on Lip Sync Battle and she just looked like she doesn’t have all her marbles, also evidenced by this slicked-back/up top knot and ridiculous cutout dress. Finally, we can agree on not liking cutouts!

Erica: I think maybe she is. She frequently looks nuts on the red carpet.

Kate: Hold on, it’s not a cut out, because where it looks like there’s a cutout, it’s actually just mesh in the exact color of her skin. Ew!

Erica: Ew! I hate mesh WAY more than I hate cutouts!

Kate Winslet

SAGs Kate W

Kate: Wowwwwwwww.

Erica: See, for me, very nice, but not wow.

Kate: Again, a very Kate Winslet choice, but that is not a negative thing at all. Perfectly tailored to her body, great color on her, elegant hair, slightly flashier jewelry than usual which is a good thing — all around effing fabulous.

Erica: Right, I guess that for me, Kate Winslet always looks lovely and perfect but never interesting, so it’s never wow for me. She is a wow human being, but her looks are always exactly perfect and therefore kinda boring.

Kiernan Shipka

SAGs Kiernan

Kate: Oh this freaks me out.

Erica: Man, she looks so NORMAL. I sort of like it when she’s in something sort of whackadoo.

Kate: No, it’s not that she looks normal, it’s that she just still looks like a child, just taller. Freaky.

Erica: You are so silly, Kate.

Kate: I appreciate that her hair and makeup are simple for such a young creature, but their simplicity doesn’t match the dress. Speaking of the dress, I’d like it much better as T length. Then it’d be quite Audrey.

Erica: You know, it really would.

Kristen Wiig

SAGs Kristen

Kate: When I only saw the top of this I thought, ‘I feel like this is a very non-Kristen Wiig choice, right?’ Then I saw the bottom.

Erica: I think this is the kind of thing I was expecting Kiernan Shipka to wear.

Kate: I actually really like the pony — what else would you do with that asymmetrical neckline? — but we all know how I feel about ladies wearing pants on the red carpet. I just feel like she should be going clubbing in that, not to the SAG Awards.

Erica: And we know how I feel about half-black, half-white evening attire.

Kate: So true.

Laverne Cox

SAGs Laverne

Erica: First of all, see what I mean about the Night of the Slit?

Kate: Yea, but every red carpet is a Night of the Slit.

Erica: Second of all, I think she’s really getting this red carpet thing down.

Kate: Oh, I am less thrilled by this than her last, like, 5 red carpet looks, but it’s still nice.

Erica: I’m just saying, the first few, she was a little second-rate-pageant. Now she’s in her groove.

Kate: I love the color but it’s probably better on lighter skin tones, and I don’t like that her lip color exactly matches the dress. And the top of the dress isn’t all that flattering on her. Hair looks lovely, though.

Maisie Williams

SAGs Maisie

Kate: So cute!

Erica: I love how she gets so girly when she’s not Arya.

Kate: Really love the color and the cut and the hairdo on such a young fresh face, probably wouldn’t like any of it at all on anyone else.

Erica: Color, great. Dress, very interestingly shaped and cute. Am in favor of it all.

Marisa Tomei

SAGs Marisa

Kate: Flawless.

Erica: Yeah? Not a little, uh, bathrobe-y?

Kate: Sparkly fabulous bathrobe. I also feel like we have maybe seen this before, and I’m still over the sequins as I said in our Golden Globes post, but it just looks great on her.

Erica: I don’t know. I wasn’t going to include this one because I don’t like saying bad things about Marisa Tomei.

Nicole Kidman

SAGs Nicole

Erica: I know you hate this.

Kate: So you’re Nicole Kidman and you look essentially flawless in absolutely everything, and you have the world’s most perfect hair next to Connie Britton, but you look like you’re having dinner on a cruise ship. A very expensive cruise ship, but a cruise ship nonetheless.

Erica: I’m not fully disagreeing with you. And it’s a very unusual choice for Nicole Kidman. She usually chooses more polished things. And it’s very young, and I don’t mean that she looks ugly or that she’s revealing parts of her body that we don’t want to see, because I’d never say that and she’s not. But it does kind of look like what you’d wear to an awards show if you were 16 years old and plucked from obscurity because a big-deal agent happened to be at your school play in a tiny rural town in Tennessee because her nephew goes to that school and she plucked you out of obscurity and now you’re on the red carpet and you just can’t believe that this is where life has taken you and you want ALL THE PINK AND SPARKLES!

Kate: Or, cruise ship.

Erica: But the thing is, the dress is a particular thing, and it is doing the job of being its particular thing very well. And I even like the necklace with it and the hairstyle.

Kate: No, there are multiple necklaces, which is very casual, no? Her hair always looks good.

Erica: I know, you think I’ve lost it.

Queen Latifah

SAGs Queen

Kate: I liked her Golden Globes look a lot better, but this is still nice. Minus the hair.

Erica: To me, it’s fine. Not gorgeous, not amazing, but fine.

Kate: I guess I’m not over the sequins if the sequins are on Queen Latifah.

Rachel McAdams

SAGs Rachel

Kate: This is a very different Rachel than the one we saw at the Golden Globes, and I have to say I liked that one better.

Erica: She continues to be an extremely adorable person. My only thing is, with this dress, I would have gone with more sculpted hair and a bolder makeup look.

Kate: Yea, I don’t like her hair blond or this short, and it looks like she’s not wearing much makeup at all, and she looks pretty unhappy to be there. I also REALLY don’t like t-shirt dresses. At all. The skirt is flawless, the rest is your basic disaster.

Rooney Mara

SAGs Rooney

Erica: It wouldn’t actually kill you to smile, you know. You’re here because your career is going extremely well and lots of people are admiring your work.

Kate: Well I like this a lot better than what she wore to the Globes, and I don’t mean to “skinny shame” or whatever they’re calling it these days, but her thin frame is rather alarming to me. Wait, is that the same EXACT hairstyle that she wore to the Globes? Come on.

Erica: I think it’s, legit, her frame, though. I like this less but it’s not that intriguing a dress, and I kind of liked the Globes one.

Kate: I get that a frame like that works great for fashion, but it’s just a little shocking. I also wish she had worn some earrings or something.

Erica: A smile. The thing you are never fully dressed without.

Kate: And her sister Kate, while more normally framed, doesn’t look that much better. I hate the mock-turtleneck look, no matter how subtle. Perhaps she’d look better in Rooney’s dress and Rooney in hers?

SAGs Kate M

Erica: I DID NOT REALIZE UNTIL THIS MOMENT THAT THEY WERE SISTERS. I don’t know why I’m finding this so mind-blowing. I am very tired.

Kate: And their family owns the NY Giants.

Erica: WHAT?! Okay, wait, Ms. Rooney. You are an acclaimed actress in critical darling movies that will probably help you build a long-term career AND you get to hang with Eli Manning and you’re STILL making that face?! Cut it out, now, young lady.

Kate: I mean, I doubt she hangs with Eli, but yea. Be better.

Sarah Hyland

SAGs Sarah H

Kate: I am surprised by how much I like this.

Erica: She continues to dress like a celebrity about 15 years older than she is.

Kate: Oh, I don’t think the dress is particularly old. I think she totally has that effortlessly fabulous thing going for her here — the dress is super flattering and well tailored, the makeup is simple but lovely, and the short blowout looks chic but comfortable (to the extent that hair can be comfortable?). The earrings are just OK and I could do without the slit and the shoes, but all around fab.

Sarah Silverman

SAGs Sarah

Erica: Holy moly, she looks good. She never looks like she cares this much.

Kate: WHAT? I think she looks like a complete disaster. And I feel like she AIMS to look like a complete disaster.

Erica: I mean, the dress does not look like she picked it up off the clearance rack at H&M. That is a big step for her!

Kate: She also walked onto the red carpet holding a can of Red Bull.

Erica: Really? That’s kind of hilarious. My favorite thing that happened at an awards show ever was when Emma Thompson walked on stage with her martini glass in one hand and her shoes in the other.

Kate: Anyway, this color looks bad on her skin, the mermaid bottom is awkward, and she just cannot pull off strapless. I feel her pain, but she can’t pull it off and should stop wearing it to every damn red carpet.

Sofia Vergara

SAGs Sofia

Erica: You know, sometimes, I don’t think Sofia Vergara is a real human. I think she was constructed in a lab. “We need the epitome of Sexy Latina!” “Coming right up, Doc!”

Kate: Yea, she’s flawless. With that necklace she almost looks like she’s on the same cruise ship as Nicole Kidman, though.

Susan Sarandon

SAGs Susan

Kate: Oh dear god she’s wearing a bra.

Erica: When was the last time we saw Susan Sarandon on the red carpet?

Kate: I would be completely fine with Susan Sarandon on the red carpet in a white tux — even with not-done hair, even with too-short pants — were it not for the BLACK. BRA. So inappropriate!

Erica: It’s not even a black bustier or something that looks like lingerie but lingerie you’re supposed to see. It looks like a regular old bra. That’s very strange and unfortunate. Susan Sarandon, I refuse to let this outfit enter into my picture of you in my head. I just watched Bull Durham for the first time, and I did not like it, but I adored you, and I’m just going to picture you in any outfit you wore in that instead.

Tina Fey

SAGs Tina

Kate: Oooooh I love me some Tina Fey in red.

Erica: Hair and makeup are on freakin’ fleek. Dress is fine. She’s gaining in swagger with every red carpet. You do rock, Tina Fey. You know it.

Kate: Can we give her Best Dressed from the Neck Up? Her hair, makeup and jewelry are just too perfect.

Erica: I am amenable to that.

Uzo Aduba

SAGs Uzo

Kate: Hmmm…Better than her Golden Globes look, but not by much.

Erica: Really, really nice. Gorgeous color. Gorgeous makeup and hair situation. I think the shoes might be matchy-matchy, but with a color like that, I think that’s a valid decision, and also, you can’t really see them, so who cares?

Kate: Oh I think the hair is a little nutso, and tops like that are just not flattering on women with big boobs. The green is very nice on her, though.

Erica: You know, as a woman with big boobs, I do tend to avoid necklines like that. But I don’t mind it on her.

Kate: I’d actually like to give a shoutout to the whole OITNB cast, who all look extremely lovely. Especially Laura Prepon — very ethereal.

SAGs OITNB

Viola Davis

SAGs Viola

Kate: Ooooh I love! Another fab short bob!

Erica: The hair I like. The dress color I really don’t like at all. And it’s that wrinkly satin.

Kate: Yes the dress color is a little Oprah-y in a bad way, and I agree about the material, but as a whole package she looks great.

Erica: So are we just giving Best Dressed to Helen Mirren and Best Makeup and Hair to Tina Fey?

Kate: Yes to the latter, no to the former, need to change it up a little.

Erica: Alright, let me think. I mean, there’s Kate Winslet, but she’s just perfect, not interesting. And I love Maisie Williams but I just think she’s too young for it. You know what? I might lean Anna Faris. It’s surprising me because I didn’t think I liked it at all at first, but it’s glam, interesting, well-accessorized, and with good hair and makeup. Thoughts?

Kate: Totally ok with that! (Partially because I hope it makes Chris Pratt like me.)

Erica: And who are we giving Worst Dressed to? I vote Julianne Moore. Because I know you can do better, Julianne. You are a brilliant, talented woman. You can either do better, or you can convince me that you’re comfortable enough with your position in Hollywood that you don’t feel you have to do better, but you cannot show up in lime green monstrosities anymore.

Kate: Oh, ok, so that dress is green. Ok with her for Worst Dressed. Next up: The Grammys, February 15! (But really the day after. Be realistic, people.)

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