Every damn year I say I’m going to watch as many Oscar-nominated films as possible, and every damn year I fail. Well friends, 2016 is a whole new me — I’m proud to say I have seen SEVEN of the nominated movies! Seven!
The nominees for Best Actress in a Supporting Role are:
- Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl
- Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight
- Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs
- Rachel McAdams, Spotlight
- Rooney Mara, Carol
And the Oscar goes to: Ms. Winslet. Despite her accent getting weirdly stronger instead of weaker from 1984 to 1998 in Steve Jobs, she was excellent in the role of Joanna Hoffman. Plus, I just feel like the Academy loves her. Rachel McAdams was good in Spotlight but didn’t particularly stand out, and I didn’t see the other three.
The nominees for Best Actor in a Supporting Role are:
- Christian Bale, The Big Short
- Mark Ruffalo, Spotlight
- Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies
- Sylvester Stallone, Creed
- Tom Hardy, The Revenant
And the Oscar goes to: This is a tough one. I had no idea I was not alone in finding Rocky to be the most adorable, lovable character in motion picture history, but I definitely got the vibe that everyone in Hollywood agrees with me based on his Golden Globes standing ovation, so I think it’ll happen again at the Oscars. I don’t even agree with the Christian Bale nomination, as I said in my review of The Big Short, and I bet you Mark Ruffalo should win based on sheer talent alone, but since when are the Academy Awards based on sheer talent alone?
The nominees for Best Actress in a Leading Role are:
- Brie Larson, Room
- Cate Blanchett, Carol
- Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years
- Jennifer Lawrence, Joy
- Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn
And the Oscar goes to: It can’t possibly go to Jennifer Lawrence again, right? For, like, almost the exact same movie as her last win? I think Brie Larson is the obvious choice, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it went to Saoirse Ronan. I really want to see that movie.
The nominees for Best Actor in a Leading Role are:
- Bryan Cranston, Trumbo
- Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl
- Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant
- The Martian, Matt Damon
- Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs
And the Oscar goes to: I was very confused by Matt Damon winning this award for the “Comedy or Musical” category at the Golden Globes, but then I watched The Martian, and it was actually quite humorous. With all the crazy depressing outer space movies lately — I’m looking at you, Interstellar — this is an extremely refreshing take. Should he win, though? Sorry Matt, I think you’ve had enough Oscar success for one lifetime; let your friend Leo have his moment. (I’ve heard Eddie Redmayne should win, but that Leo is probably, FINALLY, going to, and I am perfectly okay with that.)
The nominees for Best Picture are:
- Bridge of Spies
- Mad Max: Fury Road
- The Big Short
- The Martian
- The Revenant
And the Oscar goes to: I mean, it can’t go to Mad Max, it just can’t; that movie was so unbelievably disturbing. I’d love for it to go to The Big Short, but those financey movies never win the big awards. I don’t think it’ll go to The Revenant just because I’ve heard the actual movie isn’t as impressive as Leo’s performance — or Tom Hardy’s, for that matter — so, in conclusion, I think it’ll go to Spotlight. It was extremely well done.
The nominees/winners for other random awards are:
- Directing: This will almost definitely go to Alejandro G. Inarritu for The Revenant.
- Costume Design: I was thoroughly disgusted throughout all 120 minutes of this film, but Mad Max should definitely win this.
- Makeup & Hair Styling: See above.
- Cinematography: See above, and see above that.
- Original Score: Star Wars, just because it has to win at least one thing, right? Oh, maybe it’ll win Visual Effects.
- Adapted Screenplay: The Big Short — I just want it to win something.